Page 35 of Meeting Mr. Christmas
“No!” Jed jumped up. Thrusting his fingers through his hair, he paced the kitchen. “I don’t know what it was, and that’s god’s honest truth. It just happened. Neither of us planned it, right?I’ve heard about stuff like this happening. About straight guys who sometimes?—”
“Sometimes what? Cross over the border to see what all the hype’s about before heading back home where everything’s safe and familiar? I’m not some kind of exotic tourist destination, Jed.”
“For fuck’s sake Noel, there’s no way I’d ever treat you like that,” Jed burst out, his words full of anger and indignation as he swung around and stared into Noel’s dull, tired eyes, which refused to flinch. The heat within him cooled as quickly as it had flared. He had no damn right to even a teaspoon of anger.
In the corner of the kitchen, curled together in the basket, Gomer and Peter whimpered.
Jed dropped to his haunches, stroking and petting both dogs, hoping to calm them down as much as himself. “Hey, boys. Nothing to be worried about, okay?” His words sounded like a bad joke. With a sigh that felt like it took all his strength, Jed returned to the table, letting his head fall forward into his hands. “You’re not a tourist destination, and I’m no tourist either,” he said quietly. “You’ve got to believe me.” Jed looked up, praying to see that belief reflected in Noel’s eyes, but all that stared back at him was a sadness so deep it stopped the breath in his chest.
“What you said about straight guys, I’ve heard that too,” Noel said slowly, carefully, as though he were assessing and weighing each word. “Which did kind of make me an experiment, whatever you say. But… we’d had too much to drink. Can’t be anything else, can it? Because I know you’re not gay. Are you? Or even bi? Course you’re not. Always known that.”
“I…” Too much to drink… Maybe that was all it came down to. The words tasted like the lies they were. “Noel, look—” Jed struggled to force out the words, but Peter, scrambling up from the basket, began to whine and paw at Noel, demanding to be picked up, cutting them away. The little dog pressed himself intoNoel, darting looks Jed’s way before looking back to Noel. It was as though the tiny doxie could sense the tension and suffocating heaviness in the warm kitchen.
Noel got to his feet, holding Peter close. “I brought back your work clothes.” He nodded to a bag in the corner. “You forgot them when you left.”
Jed flinched. He had forgotten them, not when he left but when he’dfled, intent on running away, not from Noel, but from himself.
“We’re still friends, right? Best buds? Always have been, always will be.” Pathetic words, but they were the only ones he had. Noel said nothing as fear gripped Jed. Fear that Noel would shake his head, that he’d say no, that their friendship was screwed. Inseperable, that’s what everybody said they were… His life without that connection to Noel, it was like looking into an icy ravine he couldn’t see the bottom of, and he shivered.
“Sure,” Noel said, his voice flat as he put a protesting Peter on the floor so he could shrug on his own coat.
Panic seized Jed. Noel couldn’t go, they couldn’t leave it — whatever it was. There was so much they had to talk about, not that he had a fucking clue how to say any of it.
“Don’t go. Stay and have breakfast. Or we can go out and eat?”
Noel shook his head. “I’ve got work to do.”
“On Sunday?”
Noel shrugged.
“Later, then? Or tomorrow? We could have a—” Movie night?Yeah, right.“Go and have a beer at Randy’s?”
Noel huffed out a laugh, giving Jed hisare you really such a moronic jock?look he knew so well.
“Okay, Randy’s was a bad idea. Then what about the new place you like? Has all those imported beers and plays jazz?”
“Odette’s. And you don’t like jazz.”
“But you do.”
Noel shook his head. “I don’t know. Maybe. I’ve got a lot of stuff to finish before the holiday, and you’re busy in the store. Let’s leave it for now. Christmas is just a few days away. I’ll see you then. I guess.”
“What do you mean,I guess?” But Jed knew. The writhing, tightening knots in his stomach told him he knew.
“Don’t you think me joining you and your parents might be a little awkward?”
“Not as awkward as you not coming. Jesus, Noel.”Hey Mom, hey Dad, Noel and I slept together, so he thinks it’s better he stays home alone this year. Happy Christmas!Panicky, irrational laughter, out of place and unwanted, bubbled up inside him. He sucked in a deep breath and swallowed it down. “Of course I want to spend the holiday with you. Please.”
Noel looked away and shrugged. “I guess it’s easier than trying to find a reason to give to your mom… Sure, I’ll see you then.”
“Noel—”
But Noel was already rushing along the hallway, clutching Peter hard, not looking back as he reached the front door and let it slam closed behind him.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Noel stared out at the snow, which fell halfheartedly as though it couldn’t make up its mind. He turned away and pulled the drapes closed with a hard tug. The weather wasn’t all that couldn’t make up its mind.
