Page 37 of Meeting Mr. Christmas
All that mutual support, being each other’s strength whenever and wherever it was needed, now hung in the balancebecause he’d been an asshole and panicked. He dragged the back of his hand across his eyes to wipe away his shameful tears.
“Hey, you dumb mutt. Watch the equipment, fella.” Jed gave a shaky laugh as Gomer climbed into his lap, his big clumsy paws on the ends of his stick-like legs mashing down on Jed’s crotch before he settled, a warm and comforting weight in Jed’s lap.
Jed cuddled Gomer tight as he buried his face in Gomer’s fur, breathing in the old dog’s familiar scent.
“I miss him, boy. I miss him like I’ve never missed anybody in my whole life. And it goddam hurts, like it’s a physical pain. It’s only been four days since he came to the house, but it feels like forever. No messages, no calls. That’s never been us. Or not until now.” Jed sat up straighter and looked down at Gomer, who returned his gaze. “I know it’s me who should call, not him, but the truth is I’ve been too scared and ashamed. But I have to try to put this right between us. Me, not him. And… and tell him how much he means to me. Because it’s always been us, joined at the hip. It’s what everybody always said. Jed and Noel, Noel and Jed. So it’s what I should do, right?”
Gomer blinked his wise old eyes and said nothing.
Jed hunched against the snow and the biting wind, his gloved finger glued to the button on the front of Noel’s apartment block. He’d picked up his cell so many times, hesitating before calling, only to toss it to the side. If he was going to try somehow to put right what had gone so wrong, he needed to look Noel in the face. The adrenaline which had sent him out into the freezing, snowing night was fast draining away as much as the hope that Noel was home to buzz him inside. He let his hand fall and stepped back. The snow was coming down heavier, and Jed hadno idea what to do next. He looked up and down the quiet street in the hope he’d see Noel hurrying towards him, Peter tucked in his carrier. But there was nobody, the bitter wind and the swirling snow keeping all sensible folks indoors.
So where... Jed felt the breath being punched from his lungs. A date. He knew it. It was a visceral thing, crawling through his veins. Noel, meeting up with another loser who didn’t deserve him. The choked laugh ripped through Jed’s throat. He tasted it in the bitter sourness that filled his mouth, but most of all he felt it in the hard clench and vicious twist deep in his chest.
Who’s the loser now, buddy?
Turning away, he stumbled along, with no plans and no idea for where he was going, feeling more lost and alone than he’d ever felt before.
A while after, the noise greeted him before he’d even turned the corner of the block. Two days until Christmas Day, the whole town was in an excited, festive mood, and Jake’s Tap was no exception. Jed wasn’t sure how he’d ended up here, because it wasn’t where he wanted to be, just like he didn’t want to be at Randy’s, or any of the other places where he was known.Hey, Jed, where’s Noel? Haven’t seen you guys hanging out together…
A bray of raucous laughter, so loud Jed was sure it made the door shake, was like a shove in the chest and he stepped back. He was in no mood for the good humored cheer of the bar, so maybe he’d just go home. Yet, he hesitated. He didn’t want to listen to his mom’s chatter about the holidays or watch one of the true crime shows on TV his dad loved so much. He needed somewhere quiet, somewhere he could think, somewhere he would be left alone to brood over a beer in a dark corner to try to work his way through this mess he’d created. There was one place he knew, the answer obvious.
He turned away from the Tap and all the noisy cheer it contained, the sounds fading as he turned the corner and made his way along the snow banked street.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
Nursing a beer, Jed let the warmth and the mellow jazz flow over him as he sat in the basement bar that was Odette’s. The deep, rich sound of the saxophone was soothing and for the first time in four days, the tension in his neck and shoulders had softened. Not much, butnot muchwas better than nothing, and he’d take it.
The few wall lamps were turned low, and old wine bottles sat on the tables, each one holding a candle, the undulating flame casting pools of both light and deep, shifting shadow. He’d been here only once, with Noel. There had been a band playing that night, too, the female vocalist singing something Noel had told him was called scat. Everybody else in the bar had enjoyed it, according to their enthusiastic clapping and whistles, leaving him as the odd one out.
Jed let his gaze wander over the prints stuck up on the walls, so many and randomly placed. Most were in French and showed a long ago version of Paris. Or he assumed they were Paris because he thought he recognized the Eiffel Tower. He took another swig from his bottle, the imported lager stronger, the flavors different from what he normally drank. Different… he could get used to different.
He finished the beer and, about to raise his arm for another, the door swung open, letting in a blast of cold air before it clattered to a close. Jed’s heart surged, and rather than call for another beer, he opened his mouth to call out to Noel, to wave him over, to… His arm, barely raised, dropped back to the table. Noel, and — a guy, a guy Jed didn’t recognize, a guy Jed didn’t know and didn’t want to, a guy who was Noel’s date.
In the shadowy corner at the table for one, Jed pressed himself back against the wall as he watched, unnoticed, the nightmare unfolding before him.
Noel was smiling. He was talking and laughing, his face animated as he pulled off his hat — not his rainbow colored one, nor any of his animal hats, and definitely not one with the bunny ears, or the one with the parading dachshunds, no, not one of those — but a sensible navy blue beanie, leaving his dark hair standing up in tufts. Noel laughed some more as he smoothed it down before peeling off his coat.
Black skinny jeans encasing long, lean legs, sitting low on his hips. They were what he’d worn to Connor’s party, which seemed like a lifetime ago. Just like he’d worn the belt with the heavy silver buckle, which glinted in the swaying candlelight. Thedark blue shirt Noel wore was threaded through with a dull silver thread and was a perfect fit for his lean torso. It was new, Jed knew it without knowing how, just as he knew Noel had bought it especially for his date.
Jed pressed himself so far into the wall he was in danger of busting through to the other side. He could creep out. Noel wouldn’t notice, because all his attention was on hisdate— the word burned like battery acid in his gut — the date who grinned down at Noel like he wanted to fuck him into tomorrow.
The bar had filled up since he’d come in, and though not as full as the Tap would be, or Randy’s, it was busy enough to make the customers raise their voices to be heard. But it’d never beloud enough for him not to pick out Noel’s light laughter. But this wasn’t laughter for him, this time, but for the guy he didn’t recognize, the guy who looked at Noel like he was going to be his next meal, the guy Jed wanted to shove his fist into.
The beer sloshing around in his stomach began to bubble and burn its way upwards, threatening to burst from his mouth and spew in a never ending acidic torrent. Throwing some bills on the table, he put his head down and pushed through the crowd, away from Noel and his date. He couldn’t take it, he couldn’t watch Noel smiling up at another man, leaning forward as the guy whispered in his ear. But most of all, he couldn’t watch Noel’s lips part or his head angle as the guy leaned in to kiss him.
He couldn’t watch any of it, not if he didn’t want to have his heart torn from his chest and ripped into a million bloody little pieces.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
Lucian locked the door and turned the sign to Closed.
“I really am sorry for keeping you here for so long today, Jed, especially when I’d promised to close up early, but the sudden Christmas Eve rush, all those husbands and boyfriends suddenly remembering they’d bought gifts for the kids, or the parents, but nothing for the wife or girlfriend. Or husband or boyfriend.” Lucian grinned. “You come to recognize the signs. There’s fear and panic in their eyes, but it’s good for business. I’ll make sure my appreciation’s fully reflected in your next paycheck.”
Jed shrugged. “I was happy to stay.”
The explosion of last-minute custom had kept him busy, banishing, if only temporarily, the vision of Noel leaning in, lips parting for a kiss… He scrubbed his fingers through his hair. Jesus, how was he going to get through Christmas Day, with Noel sitting next to him, when there was so much unfinished business between them?
“Jed? Are you okay? You haven’t been your usual self today. Or the last few, if I’m honest. Is there anything the matter? I’m happy to help if I possibly can.”
