Page 27 of Melting His Grumpy Heart
Jake leant forward again, bringing his hands up to cup Ru’s face. The kiss was different from the first, gentler and softer, a gesture of understanding rather than desire alone.
“I didn’t plan for this,” Ru said quietly.
“Neither did I.”
Ru answered with another kiss, all heat and intent, need unmistakable in the press of his lips, the small sounds he made when Jake’s arms circled his waist, pulling him closer.
Jake felt his control slipping as Ru’s body pressed against his, as their kiss deepened into something hungrier, more demanding. Ru’s hands were in his hair now, fingertips against his scalp sending shocks of pleasure down his spine. His own hands had found their way under the hem of Ru’s jumper,his,Jake’s jumper, encountering warm skin and the subtle curve of Ru’s lower back.
The wanting was a physical ache, intensified by the storm raging outside and the intimate cocoon of lamplight within. It would be so easy to let this momentum carry them further, to lose themselves in physical connection, in the basic, primal language of sex.
But even as his body urged him forward, something in Jake pulled back. A recognition that this wasn’t right. Or not rightnow, not like this. Ru was vulnerable, he’d just shared a deep betrayal that had rocked him to the core. The wound might have scabbed over, but it was still raw beneath the brave words and the braver act to move forward with his life. It wouldn’t take much for that scab to be ripped away. He’d given Ru shelter and protection from the storm. Taking advantage of that situation, of Ru’s vulnerability, went against everything he believed about right and wrong.
With a strength he didn’t think he had, Jake broke the kiss, though he didn’t fully pull away. Their foreheads rested together, unsteady breaths mingling, both of them taking a moment to regain some kind of balance.
“We should slow down,” Jake said, his voice rough with restraint.
Ru made a small noise of protest, his hands still in Jake’s hair. “Why? I want this. You want this. It’s not complicated.”
But it was complicated, in all the ways that mattered. Jake drew back, needing to see Ru’s face, to make him understand.
“You’re vulnerable right now. Think what you’ve just told me about your ex.”
Ru frowned. “It hurt like hell and it kicked my legs from under me, no way can I deny it, but I’m determined not to let him defeat me. I’m not some damsel in distress, Jake. I’m a grown man who knows what he wants.”
“I know that,” Jake assured him, his hand still at Ru’s waist, unable to completely break the connection between them. “It’s not about what you want. Or what I want. It’s about what’s right.”
“And this isn’t right?” Ru asked, a hint of hurt creeping into his voice.
Jake chose his words carefully, needing to make Ru understand without causing more pain, or worse still, humiliation.
“Not yet, not rightnow. Not while you’re here because you’ve nowhere else to go. Not right after you’ve shared something that left you feeling exposed.”
He watched understanding dawn in Ru’s eyes, followed by a complex mix of frustration and appreciation. “An honourable man.” A small but accepting smile tugged at his lips. “It feels like a long time since I met one of those.”
“It’s what I’ve always tried to be. Not always very successfully.”
It wouldn’t have taken much to blow all that honour out of the water. Jake knew it as he watched Ru, because every cell in him wanted to pull him closer, not to continue but to go beyond,way beyond, what they’d started. The physical need was almost painful, the tightness in his chest, the heat under his skinthreatening to burn him up. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d wanted someone so badly, so completely.
“I want you, Ru. How can I say otherwise, but?—”
“There’s a but?”
Jake ploughed his fingers through his hair, dragging his nails across his scalp. “Yes, there is. You’re here because of the storm. Not by choice.”
“The storm may have brought me to your door, but being here with you like this is definitely my choice.”
Jake stood abruptly, needing physical distance to maintain his resolve. The few steps to the fireplace felt like swimming against a powerful current, every instinct urging him back to the sofa, back to Ru. He stared into the flames, trying to organise his thoughts into something coherent while his body screamed at him for walking away.
“You make it sound simple, but it’s not,” he managed after a moment, his back to Ru because facing him might crumble his resolve. “When you’re isolated, cut off, feelings get intensified. Things that might not matter in normal circumstances seem more significant.”
“So it’s the circumstances, or the blizzard’s fault? Is that what you think?” Ru’s voice was closer. Jake turned to find him standing, and just a step or two away.
“No,” Jake said quickly. “But you were betrayed, and not so long ago, which makes you vulnerable right now, whether you can accept that or not. And wasn’t it you who said you’d resolved to keep your distance?”
“Yes, it was. But then I met you.”
Jake’s mouth dried to sand. Anger he could have handled, frustration too. God, but that would have been so much easier than this reasonableness from Ru that was testing his position, making it harder with every passing second to maintain.
