Page 35 of Melting His Grumpy Heart
Ru tilted his head. “It means something to you, doesn’t it? Something important.”
Jake hesitated. This was personal, private, a piece of himself he rarely shared.
“If you don’t want to?—”
“No, it’s okay.” And it was. Perhaps it should have surprised him, but sharing this most private aspect of himself with Ru feltso much more than okay. “My nan, she kept what she called the old ways. So did my parents, but to a lesser extent. Nan was scrupulous in acknowledging the turning of the year, marking every solstice, equinox, and more besides. She taught me some of it, that’s all.”
But it wasn’tthat’s all. It was a fundamental plank of who he was and as he glanced at Ru, he knew in his core that Ru understood in a way nobody else ever had. His stomach tightened and he looked away, no longer able to meet those wide, grey eyes.
“The tutor at art school I mentioned, he was into what he called earth magic but with him I always thought it was just part of his image. You know, the unconventional and free thinking artist, tapping into ancient, primal energy. I think he used it to con some of the more attractive students into bed.”
Jake huffed. “There are plenty of those characters around. Frauds, in other words.”
“So it isn’t sex magic, then?
Jake’s whole body jerked. “What the… Oh, very funny.”
Ru was grinning at him,gotcha!written clean across his face. Jake couldn’t stop himself from smiling in return.
“Seriously, though, are there rituals or traditions you follow? Somehow, I don’t think all the greenery we collected has that much to do with Christmas.”
Jake sucked in his lower lip before answering. Shouldn’t he be feeling awkward or self-conscious, talking about something he hugged tight to himself? But with Ru, he felt none of that.
“Some of it is, but not much,” Jake admitted. “As for rituals, I don’t declare I’m a Druid, put on a long frock and wave a stick around if that’s what you think.”
Ru snorted. “I should hope not, because a frock is so not you.”
Jake chuckled. Talking about this stuff, which he never did, should have been ten out of ten weird, but with Ru it just wasn’t.
“There are rituals,” he said slowly, “but nothing dramatic, or not for me because it wasn’t how I was taught. Bringing in certain types of greenery, keeping the Yule log burning, and I don’t mean the sponge and chocolate frosting variety, even if here a wood burner has to be a substitute.
“It’s about acknowledging the changing of seasons and preparing for them. It’s the turning of the wheel of the year. The winter solstice is recognising and marking the retreat of darkness as it gives way to light and warmth and rebirth.” He hesitated, then added, “My nan, she believed the solstices were powerful. Times when the veil between the human world and that of the spirits and the ancestors was thin.”
“Do you believe that?” Ru asked, no trace of skepticism in his voice.
Jake tilted his head to the side as he thought how to answer. He didn’t want to sound like some gullible, New Age hippy. “I believe there are a lot of things we don’t understand, and that there are forces older than our comprehension. I also think people have forgotten how to connect to the natural world and its cycles.”
Ru nodded, as if this made perfect sense. “So how do you mark it?”
“With simple things. Cleaning the house before the day, although I’ve failed on that score this year. Bringing in fresh greenery. Setting intentions for the coming light which I suppose are kind of like resolutions.”
“And?” Ru prompted when Jake fell silent.
“Staying awake through the longest night. Keeping watch until dawn, then greeting the returning sun.”
“A vigil?”
Jake nodded, feeling oddly exposed. “When I can. I haven’t always been in a position to do it, but it is important to me.”
“Will you do it tonight?”
“Yes.” The answer came without hesitation. Whatever confusion clouded the rest of his life, this at least was clear; the connection to something older than himself, a ritual passed down through blood and bone.
“Could I… Would it be all right if I joined you? Tonight?” Ru rushed on before Jake could answer. “I mean, if it’s not private or solitary by nature. If that’s the case, I understand.”
The request caught Jake off-guard. He’d never shared this with anyone, not as an adult. For years, it had been a solitary observance, a quiet communion with forces larger than himself. But the thought of Ru beside him, watching the longest night give way to dawn… It felt right, when for so long his life, his inner, private life, had felt wrong.
“Yes,” he said, his voice catching. “You can, if you really want to.”
