Page 26 of She Came Upon A Midnight Clear
She starts in again, using an even cadence, going from one cheek to the other, occasionally smacking the back of my thighs instead. And there’s something building inside me. Sensation, yes, but also some sort of mental yielding. The pain sort of forces me to give in, and I’m nearly swooning, my body warm andloose all over. I don’t ever want her to stop. I don’t ever want to go without her touching me, hurting me, taking me to these impossible heights where I want to come and cry and laugh all at the same time.
Another hard strike of the belt, and this time I yelp.
“Ouch!”
“That’s not a safe word, baby. Do you need to safeword?”
A giggle rises up in me, and it spills out; there’s nothing I can do about it.
Her hand goes to the back of my neck, giving it a gentle squeeze. “Look up at me,” she says.
But I’m giggling so hard, I can’t.
She digs her fingers into my hair and pulls my head up, but it only makes me giggle more.
She leans down, her gaze locked on mine, then she smiles.
“Ah, you’re in what we call the forever place. Time to stop, baby.”
“What? Noooooo,” I wail, then giggle once more. “But your dimples are so cute.”
“Yes, darlin’. I know you don’t want to, but I’m the boss, aren’t I? Dimples or not.”
“Well…yes. You’re the boss,” I say, hearing the pout in my voice.
I feel pouty. I want to beg, but I can’t allow myself to do it.
She bends over me and kisses my back again, then moves my hair aside to kiss the back of my neck before she unbuckles the handcuffs. Then she sits on the bed and pulls me into her lap.
I’m still pouting.
“You did so good. You took it so well. But it’s my job to watch out for you, to be sure we don’t take things too far, because you can’t take that back. And I want this to always be good for you. I don’t want to ruin it for you; some damage you can’t undo, and I won’t risk that with you, baby. Do you understand?”
I inhale, then blow out a quick breath. “Yeah. But I don’t have to like it.”
She pulls my chin up, forcing my gaze to hers. “There will be other times, you know.”
Suddenly I’m feeling all the emotions at once.Allthe emotions.
“Will there be, though?” I demand as tears form in my eyes yet again.
I hate that I cry with them so much, but at the same time, she’s created this safe space for me to feel whatever I’m feeling.
“Of course, baby. We have all the time in the world now—now that we’ve found each other again.”
“But… but… what if you decide you’re bored with me? Or I’m not… I’m not kinky enough for you? I mean, I’ve done some stuff before, but you have leather cuffs, and paddles, apparently. What if I don’t know enough? What if I hate the paddles? What if you just decide that… you don’t want me anymore?”
I’m nearly choking on a sob, and I know I’m being ridiculous and probably saying too much. I squirm in her lap, suddenly feeling like I need to get away to deal with my emotions on my own, but her arms just tighten on me.
“Evie. Baby. How could I ever do that when I’ve wanted you all these years? This is a dream come true for me. You have no idea how much I’ve thought about you. How I thought about you even when I shouldn’t, back when I was dating Marcy. When I’ve dated other women since then. It’s always you I compare other people to, which I know wasn’t fair to them, but I couldn’t help it. But Evie, I really think you’re just possibly deeper in subspace than you’ve been before. Is that right?”
“Well, yes.”
“And today might have been a lot for you.”
“I mean, it was, but in a really good way.” I sniffle as new tears start to trail down my cheeks, and I wipe at themimpatiently. “I needed it. Needed to try to make Christmas good again, and no one I’ve been with has ever wanted to do that for me. They just blew me off because they didn’t want to be around my shitty attitude. I can’t blame them. But you wanted to be with me, to try to help.”
“That doesn’t mean it wasn’t a lot to process, probably on some very deep level. But this is my fault. I shouldn’t have tried any kink with you today after all that.”
