Page 95 of Sweet Caroline
Hating myself for it, I shake my head. I can’t risk my job and everything riding on it. “Your dad was really clear?—”
“He doesn’t need to know.”
I lower my gaze, not trusting myself to stay steady with those crystal eyes pleading with me. I’m fucking tempted, my desperation to keep some scrap of Caroline in my life locking horns with everything logical about our circumstances. But what are we gonna do? Have some secret, half-assed friendship? Risk her dad finding out I didn’t follow orders?
“I mean, we could at least talk on the phone or?—”
“I can’t,” I force out. Frowning, I shake my head again. “As much as I want to, I can’t risk it.”
“I’m sorry. Of course.” She blinks, as if trying to snap herself out of getting carried away. “I shouldn’t have suggested it. I told you I wouldn’t?—”
“No, I get it. I do. It’s just…” I clench my jaw as I search for the words. “It has to be a clean break, okay?”
“Yeah.” Brow pinched, she nods. “Okay.” But the slight catch in her voice and the pain in her eyes have me regretting my words.
Her full red lips tremble slightly, and it tugs at something inside me; I’ve never wanted to kiss her more. And not because I wanna get under that dress.
It’s because I’m scared shitless I’ve found the perfect woman at the wrong fucking time. And, even though I know I have no choice but to let her go, all I wanna do is pull her closer.
The train’s brakes screech, jostling us to a stop.
Ride’s over.
As we climb off the little train, I keep my fingersentwined with hers, needing her touch to ground me, to anchor me, to keep me from spiraling over this ending too soon. I refuse to spend my last few days with her lost in my head, spinning out and grieving what’s still right in front of me. It’s like the opposite of that old Joni Mitchell song. Idoknow what I’ve got, and it’snotgone. Not yet.
We walk in silence, an unspoken weight between us, until we spot Ada up ahead.
She’s talking to a tall, beardy guy dressed like the Dread Pirate Roberts from The Princess Bride, who she introduces as her boyfriend, Jesse. He seems almost confused as he shakes my hand.
Ada cuts a glance over at the teens running the game booth. “Hey, so, I think I can leave the kids to do their thing for a bit. You folks wanna check out the haunted house?”
“Sure,” Caroline says, peering up at me with a question in her eyes.
“Oh, hard pass.”
“What?” She almost chuckles at my blunt answer.
“Uh, yeah. If you people find scaring yourselves entertaining, fill your boots, but I’ve got enough trauma for one lifetime.” I wink to soften the brutal honesty behind my words. But it’s true: I’ve never liked haunted houses, gore, or thrillers—even before my parents died. My idea of a good time has always been having a laugh, not giving myself nightmares. After all the shit I’ve been through, I don’t need to add any fuel to my anxiety by traumatizing myself on purpose. My nervous system doesn’t need that shit.
“Okay,” Caroline says. She looks hesitant about leaving me—no doubt still mulling over our conversation on the train.
I’m not thrilled about letting her go either, but I’m not gonna hold her back from having fun tonight.
“Jess?” Ada tugs on the loose sleeve of his black shirt. “You in?”
“Nah, once was enough for me. I went earlier with Marcus and Renee. Think I’m gonna get something to eat.”
Caroline kisses me goodbye and, for the brief moment when her lips press against mine, I want to stop time, sink my hands under her warm cloak and haul her against me—make the kiss endless. But, just as quickly as she rose up on her toes, she pulls away, her eyes lingering on mine before she turns to follow Ada across the grounds.
When the girls have left, I turn back to Jesse.
“You wanna grab a bite?” he asks.
“Uh, sure. I could eat.”
“Ever had a Japanese hot dog? There’s this stand over by the pumpkin patch. It’s surprisingly good.”
“A Japanese hot dog?” I give Jesse—and this concept—a hefty dose of skepticism.
