Page 11 of Marshmallow
I slam my cell on the table, face down as my heart thunders in my chest. It’s like my nightmare is coming true. But instead of Carter’s feelings for me being a joke,I’mthe joke for thinking the world was ever going to be ok with a big girl like me being with a fit and gorgeous man like Carter.
“What’s wrong?” Georgia asks when she returns and finds me clutching at my shirt while staring at my phone. “You look like something horrible has happened.”
I suck in my breath and shake my head, jostling myself out of the funk I can feel myself falling in. “Nothing. I’m fine. Just tired and I realized how much work we have to do today.”
“You sure you’re just tired? You’ve gone white as a ghost.” She takes in a slow breath as she places the signed copy ofPucked all Nightin front of me. Carter’s sexy face is on the cover, and I remember how I imagined him as the hero of the story the first time I read it.Perhaps that’s where he should stay?
“Really, I’m fine,” I lie, thanking her for grabbing the book. “Let’s just get started, OK?”
“Sure. How about we go through your social media first?”
“No,” I say quickly, not wanting her to see the nastiness I just saw. She’ll want to talk to me about it and raise my spirits, but I know I’ll just end up in fits of tears. I need to process first. I’m not as tough as I seem. “Let’s go through the footage from yesterday so we can get our images lined up for scheduling.”
“Sure thing, boss.” She offers me a smile that tells me she knows something is up, but she’s letting me be. I’m grateful to her for that.
Carter
Icheck the time. I check my messages. I call and I text and I DM. Nothing. Marsha isn’t responding. I don’t know if something has happened to her, or if she’s just gotten cold feet. So I’m freaking out a bit here. She was supposed to meet me an hour ago.I should have gotten her address.
I flip between angry and concerned as I wait outside the restaurant. I’m pissed at myself for not insisting I pick her up and bring her here. I’m pissed at her for not picking up when I call. I’m worried she’s hurt and I don’t know how to find her. And I’m concerned that something has happened to make her change her mind about us. I thought we were on the same page.
After almost two hours, I’ve spent enough time holding the brick wall up and force myself away, admitting to myself that she isn’t going to show.Have I just been ghosted?
I open Instagram and check to see if she’s been posting or responding to her fans. And that’s when I see it. The point where her comment liking ends and the nastiness starts. The comments, the tags, the absolutely disgusting behavior of my fellow man. It makes my blood boil because they’ve gotten to her. My sweet, beautiful marshmallow has been scared away by the trolls.
“This is bullshit,” I say to myself as I tap on my profile and start a live feed.
Marsha
“Wake up.” Georgia jostles my shoulder and I force my eyes to open. They’re so puffy and swollen from crying all night, and I hate myself. I spout bravery and acceptance, and the moment something rattles my cage, I shutdown. The little fat girl inside me who cried when kids were mean is taking over. I can’t force myself to be a big, beautiful and confident woman when it feels like most of the world is against me.
Why would he want you when he can have someone like me?
That’s the comment that got me the most. Why would he want me when he could have any woman he wanted? What have I got that could possibly keep him? Lust and attraction is great. But what happens when we settle into a routine and he’s at the gym and some girl with an hourglass figure steals his gaze? I can’t compete with that. I’m kidding myself if I think this could last for more than a few months. The brightest stars burn out the fastest. And it was all happening way too fast to be something long lasting. It’s best I protect my heart and end things now before I get any more involved.
“What is it?” I ask, wiping my hand across my mouth, testing for signs of drool.
“I know why you were upset yesterday.”
I push myself so I’m sitting up against my pillows. “I still don’t want to talk about it.”
“I deleted and blocked every single one of them. We don’t need these people messing with your light.”
My eyes water. “What light? I feel like a fraud.”
“Why? Because you let a bunch of internet trolls get the better of you?” I shrug and she places her hand on my back, rubbing soothing circles. “You’re only human. You can’t be strong all the time. But what makes you special is that you always get back up and fight for acceptance. You teach thousands of girls how to be healthy and love themselves no matter what size they are. And you deserve to be happy with a man who thinks the absolute world of you.”
I sniffle and pout. “He probably doesn’t anymore. I stood him up last night. I couldn’t go through with our date when I knew what everyone was thinking.”
“Everyone? No, my girl, only the assholes. And do you know what we do to assholes?”
“We hold our fingers close to our eyes so we can squash their head.”
She laughs. “Yeah, well, that is a lot of fun. But we also ignore them because they aren’t our people. Our people love you. And I know I was worried about how fast you and Carter fell for each other, but I truly believe he loves you too.”
“You do?”
“Yeah.” She taps at her phone and holds it out to me. “Especially after he posted this.”
