Page 9 of Break My Fall
Tyler
Time.It’s the vast unknown quantity that continues to keep us apart. When I was nineteen, I needed time to sort myself out, to heal from my past and become the kind of man Avery could be proud to call hers. And now that I finally am that man, Avery needs time to heal from the hurt my journey caused her. Nothing comes without consequence, regardless of your intentions. But time…it doesn’t change your heart. You love just as hard as you always did. Which is why I know after kissing her and listening to her angry words that Avery is still mine inher heart. With each interaction, I’m slowly chipping away at her walls. I know I can get her back now and that gives me enough hope to sit here quietly and just let her be.We’ve got time.
And the funny thing about time, it just keeps moving. Whether you’re miles apart in different states, or spending the afternoon sitting in the dank surroundings of an old bomb shelter. It just keeping ticking away, moments passing, possibilities shrinking. Eventually that time ahead of us will out. So maybe we don’t have infinite moments to hope for? Maybe we should be taking the things we want right now?Especially when they’re right across from you…
“Sure you aren’t hungry?” I ask, tilting the can in my hand from side to side as I hold it out to Avery. “It’s not the greatest, but it fills your belly.”
While Avery made a seat for herself on a set of crates and spent the last few hours staring at her phone, I investigated the rest of the cellar. I found hurricane lamps, collapsible cots and blankets, not to mention all the canned and packaged food—plus a ridiculous amount of alcohol—down here. I’ve got myself a veritable feast going on and a comfy area to eat it in while I read a book. It’s nicer down here than some of the places I paid actual money for in New York. I could definitely think of worse places to get stuck in.
“Pass,” Avery says, as she peeks out from behind her phone and contorts her face in disgust. “God only knows how long that food has been sitting there.” She returns her attention to her screen and continues playing some game or whatever else she’s doing. "You're probably going to die from botulism after eating it. I want no part in that."
I laugh it off and dig into the beans with a satisfied slurp while watching her face scrunch up at the sound. But I’m not concerned for my well-being. Commercially canned food doesn’t have a botulism risk. And as long as the cans remain intact, and in a temperature-stable environment, they can last indefinitely. When you’re dealing with canned goods, you’re looking to make sure the hermetic seal is undamaged and that there aren’t any dents in the can. When food goes off, it produces gas that makes the cans swell. If you can’t see any of that or damage present, and if the food looks and smells fine when you open it up, you’re good to go—well, good to eat. These are the things you learn when you’re practically living on the street.
Setting my half-eaten can to the side, I turn my focus back to my book, half-reading, half-thinking about how long and arduous my journey from unwanted kid living on Oakwood Falls to world-renowned tattoo artist with a New York studio and plans to expand my brand in my hometown. It’s been tough finding my way back here. From getting over familial rejection to forgiving myself for leaving the love of my life while I built a name for myself out there. Sometimes, when I let those memories of suffering and struggle creep back into my mind, I wonder how the hell I managed to pull myself out of that dark hole, but then I realize that I did it all because of her. Every step I took, every dark pit of my mind I climbed out of, I did because I had hope that one day I’d make it back to her—even if that did bring me back home to aliteraldark hole.
That’s some interesting symbolism for you….
I chuckle softly at myself. Fate loves to pull some funny tricks at times? But She did me a solid this time. I may be in this hole right now, but I have Avery—my shining light. She always has been, and she always will be to me. Throughout all these years, there has been another dark hole to deal with, the one in my soul. Without her, there was always something missing at the very center of my being. I hate that it's taken me this long to come back, to claim her as my own. But at the same time, I know that returning any earlier would have been a bad idea.I wasn’t ready.
Without my life right, without my head straight, I wouldn't have been able to give myself to her as completely as I can now. Avery can deny things all she wants, but I know myself best. Being raised on nothing but neglect, being kicked out of home at a young age… no family, no support, no money… It's hard on a guy, especially one who’s only nineteen years old. I had all the stresses of an adult when I was still practically a kid. I had a lot of growing up to do.
Claiming Avery back then was out of the question. Had I stayed in Oakwood Falls, I would have remained the angry and abused kid I always was. And that was just far too much baggage for an angel like her to carry. She couldn’t fix me. I know she wanted to. I know she would have given me every ounce of her energy and attention to try to put me back together. But at the end of the day, my damage would have brokenher.I couldn’t do that to her. Going out into the world and finding my own way forced me to find my way out of the shadows of my past that lived in my head, looking over my shoulder. I needed time to become my own person, to accept the shit that life had thrown at me and move on.
And now that I’m back, I’m happy, I’m content, and I’m ready. I’m ready to be her everything. I’m ready to make her my world.
Avery always was and always will be the woman for me. I've known this all along. That's why there's never been another, no matter how many girls offered themselves to me, no one could ever take her place. So I waited for her. All these years I stayed true to her. Just like I know she stayed true to me.
