Page 14 of Wrong Car, Wright Guy
Pulling at my lip with my teeth, I shake my head and smile at this man’s gall. Despite going completely outside the program schedule, Tanner has done it all with absolute professionalism. He hasn’t missed a beat. I can’t help but applaud his effort despite the fact I feel under the microscope because of it.
“Hi Tanner. Long time listener. First time caller,” Robert from Connecticut says. “I’m glad you didn’t switch states so I can still hear your show.”
“Great to have you tuning in to WHGC. Tell us your thoughts, Rob.”
“You know, I see where Ruby and Julie are coming from. But I don’t think you’re a bigot at all.”
“Ahh, a little backup.”
“Well, yes, and no. Like I said, I’ve been listening to you for a long time. I think the part Ruby said about you playing devil’s advocate is a better description of what you do. I don’t think you can run a show like yours without being empathetic to both sides of an argument.”
Tanner grins and looks at me. “Hear that, Ruby? I’m empathetic.”
“Or perhaps just…pathetic,” I shoot back. The control room are quick to add a soundbite of a crowd going ‘ohhhhhhh!’ I cover my mouth so I don’t laugh out loud.
“That’s also a possibility,” Tanner returns, delight in his eyes.Is he getting off on this?“But I do like Robert’s summation of me. How about we hear from another caller? Diane from Poughkeepsie, you’re on the air.”
“Hi Tanner and Ruby. I called about the cancel culture argument, but I think I want to defend Tanner on this bigot charge.”
“You a lawyer, Diane?” Tanner asks.
“No. I’m a kindergarten teacher. I’ve worked in the education system for almost twenty years and I’ve met my fair share of bigots. Tanner Wright isn’t one of them. He never pushes his opinions on the show. Instead, he gives the rest of us a voice. Why, I’ve thought for a long time that the current level of political correctness is too much. I’m not even allowed to hug the children anymore in case my hugs are taken in the wrong context. It’s ridiculous. I think that Tanner just wants people to look at what we’re fighting about and ask ourselves why we’re fighting at all. People are so easily offended that it’s making us all feel neurotic, like we can’t say anything at all.”
“Listen, I’m not saying that the current climate is the solution,” I say, jumping in. “But whether it’s in our daily lives, or with what’s allowed in the media and in front of our children, there has to be something out there that holds everyone equally accountable for our actions—ourwords.Is it going too far in some instances? Yeah, I think it definitely feels that way at times. But you have to remember, Diane, not everyone is as loving as you are. There are people who are inappropriate toward children, which is why that particular rule you mentioned is in place.”
“Do you think the people who choose to be inappropriate are going to be inappropriate regardless of the rules?” Tanner cuts in, directing his question at me.
“Of course, but with more eyes on that person, knowing a rule is being broken, it creates a system where everyone holds everyone else accountable. It’s an attempt to stop these slights from being reasoned away. To the layperson, political correctness can feel stifling because you have no malice behind your actions. But to arealpredator or even to bullies, it holds them accountable. I think it’s important because of that.”
“What about this idea that predators are just being more careful with how blatant they are?” Tanner continues, treating me much like one of his callers and trying to probe my answers with more questions. “That all these rules do is make them smarter and harder to catch?”
“I wish I had an answer for that, Tanner,” I say. “But I think I’d need to consult an expert. Maybe the crime data could tell us if any of these efforts in social change are making a difference.”
“That might be something we have to do,” Tanner says, his demeanor shifting before he takes his next breath. “But it’ll have to be something we save for another time. Thank you to Ruby for being our guest this evening. We covered a lot in that segment, but it’s time to hand over to Rayleigh for the news.” He hits the button to cut off our microphones before he pulls his headphones down to his neck.
“Wow,” I say, grinning when the On Air light clicks off and it’s safe to speak. “It’s a different experience on this side of the booth.” When he turns to me, I expect him to say something about it—a critique of my performance, perhaps? An acknowledgment of the fact I held my own? But I don’t get that at all. In fact, I don’t even get eye contact.
“Make sure you have a car waiting for me as soon as the show is over. I need to be out of here within five minutes. Put the tea in a to-go cup. There’s a folder on my desk with some correspondence inside. Respond to it by hand. You’ll find a stamp with my signature in the top drawer. After that, you can go through the questions GQ sent through for pre-approval, flag anything that asks about my personal life as inappropriate, and send it back. I also want research notes on the new Nike spokes model. Make sure I have those emailed to me by morning. I get up at five.”
“OK.” I draw out the sound as I pull the headset off my ears. Shellshocked, I knit my brow, feeling confused as I hang it back up and stand to leave.What the hell just happened? Was I a prop?
“Ruby,” Tanner calls out, stopping me before I get too far and causing a tiny slither of hope to open in my chest. This is it. He’s going to tell me I did great or at least say thanks. I don’t know what I want him to say exactly. I just want something positive. But when he taps his finger on the side of his water glass, I realize that yes, I was definitely just a prop. “Aren’t you forgetting something?”
Returning to the desk, I lift the bottle that’s directly next to the glass and upend the rest of it into the barely touched glass. It overflows onto the desk and splashes onto the floor. Tanner watches it happen without reaction.
“Will that be all, sir?” I ask through clenched teeth.
“You can clean that up. Then I won’t be needing you until the end of the show.”
I don’t clean it up. Instead, I turn away and leave the studio as fast as I can, blood pumping in my ears as I ignore the happy compliments from Terry and the rest of the team in the control room. I can’t get away fast enough.
And as I storm through the halls toward Tanner’s office, I realize I really was wrong when I called him a bigot. Instead, I think I’ll keep with my initial assessment of him—the phallic symbol I etched into his car. I may have had the wrong car that night, but I certainly had the right guy. Tanner Wright is a giant dick.
Seven
Tanner
“How were the ratings?” I ask Terry at the end of the show.
