Page 14 of Cheesecake
I suck in my breath, feeling slapped down and out of control. "And what if it doesn’t?" I ask. "What if I go away and when I come back he doesn't feel the same?"
"Then it was never meant to be to begin with," she says, her expression softening as she reaches across the table and places her hand on mine. “Love,real love,will wait.”
Corey
“The waves aren’t so great this morning,” I say as I paddle up to Penny and stop beside her. I’d woken up this morning after dreaming about her all night, and I was eager to get to the beach to see her again this morning, but I found it odd she was already in the water. We always wait for each other.
“I don’t mind. I wanted the quiet.”
“On your own? Bad surf means an almost empty beach.”
She bounces a shoulder, sitting on her board with her legs dangling in the water. “I can take care of myself, you know. I’m not a little kid.”
“No one’s saying you are, sweetheart. Has something happened?” I reach out and touch her knee, noting that she’s covered in goosebumps. “Maybe it’s too cold out here today.”
Lifting her gaze to mine, she screws up her face. “I told my mom I wanted to change colleges.”
“What?” I pull back slightly and straighten up. “Why would you do that? Berkeley’s a great school.”
She drops her hands below the surface of the water and pushes back and forth. “Because, this.Us.I don’t want to leave and risk losing you.”
“But you won’t lose me, Penny,” I say, genuinely perplexed. “I thought I made that clear to you. I will literally wait forever if that’s what it takes.”
“But that’s the thing,” she cries. “I don’t want to wait. What we have is happening right now, and I don’t want to mess it up by leaving.”
“You won’t mess it up by leaving. But if you stay, youwillmess up your future. And I’m not OK with that.” Suddenly, I feel like such an asshole for kissing her like I did, for losing my patience and taking something that wasn’t ready to be mine to begin with. I should’ve waited. I should’ve kept my feelings to myself until therightmoment presented itself. Now she’s talking about changing her course, and I can’t be responsible for stopping her from becoming the special person she’s supposed to be. I’m just not that selfish. “Youhaveto go to college.”
“Jesus, Corey. What the hell? I thought you’d understand. And instead, you’re talking just like my mom. Newsflash, you’re not my dad,” she snaps, causing me to pull my head back and grit my teeth before I say something I’ll regret.
“I’m just trying to look out for you,” I say, keeping my voice calm as I dip my hands in the water and slick back my hair. “Giving up your chance at going to a good college to be with me—a dropout who happens to be a decent cook—is madness. Your future is important to me.”
“It’s important to me too. And you are important to me. Billy is important to me too. I want to feel like I’m part of your lives, not just someone who visits every now and then. What’s the point in me being an adult if everyone is just going to keep telling me what I can and can’t do?” she yells, splashing me in her annoyance. I flinch as it hits me square in the face.
“Are you for real, right now?” I wipe a hand across my eyes to clear the water away.
All she does is glare at me, and I’ve gotta admit that this fire in her kind of turns me on. But at the same time, I’m pissed. This is a childish tantrum, something I’m not used to from her. It’s…unsettling, and only serves to remind me that there’s a great gulf of years and experience between us. I want her so much that I burn inside, but maybe, just maybe, we did this too soon.
We stare at each other for a long while, then she kicks her leg out to shove against my board, her plan failing when I catch her ankle. “Don’t,” I say, struggling with my calm.
“You don’t,” she says, snatching her leg back in an action that sends her off balance, squealing as she falls into the salty water.
“Shit,” I mutter, leaning forward so I can grab her hand when she pops back up.
Except she doesn’t pop back up. She stays down. And suddenly, my heart is in my throat, and my chest is drawing tight.I can’t lose her too.I’m diving in after her before I can even fully register the panic gripping at my heart.
The world mutes as the noise of the sea enters my ears, but I find her right away, curled up in a ball, hugging her knees to her chest like shewantsto stay beneath the water.
Anger, frustration, and hurt flood my veins as I wrap my arms around her waist and haul her to the surface, unable to keep my cool anymore.
“What the fuck was that, Penny?” I yell, grabbing for her board and making sure she gets back on it.
“What do you care?” she yells back. “You aren’t even listening to what I want!”
“So, you choose tostayunder the water and scare the fuck out of me?” My brow pinches so tight I can feel the veins in my temple throbbing. “Youknowwhat happened to my wife, Penny. I don’t understand onwhatplanet that kind of behavior is OK.”
A flash of understanding crosses her face, and I shake my head, turning away and climbing back on my board. “I’m sorry,” she says. “I wasn’t thinking.”
Looking up to the slowly illuminating sky, I take a deep calming breath before I respond. “Yes, you were, Penny. You were thinking about yourself.” I level her with pained eyes, and she opens her mouth to respond but I don't want to hear it. I’m hurt. “Get back on your board. We’re getting out of the water.”
