Page 9 of Sweetheart and the Grouch
“Waswrong,Ainsley. You’renineteen.I’m… I’m just…Fuck.” Turning away, he storms off toward his room and closes the door. When the lock turns, I wonder if it’s to keep me out, or to keep him in. Either way, I can’t for a moment think that kiss was wrong. From my perspective, it was a toe-curlingly wonderful way to experience my first one.
Looking at Ajax’s closed door, I touch my fingers to my mouth and smile. I’ve never felt like this before. I’m all warm and on edge but in the best way. Does he feel this too?
AJAX
“Shit,” I hiss, pacing back and forth in my bedroom, sensations I’m not ready to admit to crawling beneath my skin, tightening my insides and screaming at me to go out there and take the rest of her. “Don’t be stupid.”
I pause in front of my mirror and look myself in the eye. It’s almost impossible to do because I’ve never been more ashamed of myself in my life. She’s practically a kid compared to me. Barely out of high school, and here I am grinding up against her like I’m a teenager myself.I’ve got to get a handle on myself.
“OK,” I say to my reflection after a few deep and calming breaths. “This is how it’s gonna work. You’re gonna sleep this off, and in the mornin’ you’re gonna apologize to that girl then go about your life like it never happened.” I place my hands on the top of the dresser as my body clenches internally, like it’s physically trying to remind me ofexactlywhat happened. But I’m stronger than this. I’m a better man than this. When I vowed to walk the straight and narrow, age-appropriate relationships were kind of an unspoken part of that—not that I’ve ever lost my mind over someone so young before. But now that I have, it feels a lot like taking advantage. And I don’t want that. I don’t want this. Or her. Right? Because Ican’thave her. So the best thing for me to do is get her and Elena back into that cabin and to walk the fuck away.
It’s theonlyoption available to me.
Right?
Right?
AINSLEY
Icouldn’t sleep a wink after that kiss. All night, I lay awake, staring up at the ceiling and reliving the moment over and over again in my head. The way he looked at me. The way his arms caged me in. The way his mouth took control. The way his…you-know-whatfelt against my core…
It was all so spine-tingling and wonderful that I couldn’t relax for a moment, let alone sleep. All I wanted to do was go and knock on his door and ask him to let me in so we could do it all again, but then I also knew that if Elena woke to an empty bed, she’d come looking for me. So that alone was enough to make me stay put. Well, at least until the sun comes up anyway.
The moment I hear the birds chirping, I slide out of bed and pull on my sweats. I wish I had some better clothes to put on. Something that showed a little skin, perhaps? But all I have with me are the handful of things we brought with us after the damper mishap. They’re all washed and dry so they don’t smell like a chimney anymore, and what’s really great about that is that they now smell a lot like Ajax. I’m going to have to find out what brand of washing soap he uses so I can smell like him all the time. I might be a little obsessed.
And who wouldn’t be? In the last twenty-four hours, he’s rescued me twice if I include the hiking pack incident. Then on top of that, he’s opened his home to us, and he gave me my first kiss. But I want so much more from him than just that.
I know it’s childish to believe in love at first sight and happily ever afters like the girls get in fairy tales, but when I chose Whisper Valley as our start-over destination, I had a really good feeling that this would be the place our dreams became reality. And I’ve always dreamed of being rescued by my very own prince charming—I never specified that he couldn’t be a mountain man.
With the cabin still and quiet, I tiptoe into the bathroom and spend a little longer than normal making myself look presentable. There isn’t really much here in the way of styling products, but I can at least wash my face and use my damp fingers to tame the curls in my hair. And if I pinch my cheeks a little and gargle with this mouthwash, I might just pass as presentable.
A short while later when I emerge, I hear voices outside. Moving to the front door, I find Ellie crouched down with Ajax at the side of his garden.
“I don’t know how you think eating zucchini for breakfast is a good idea,” she says, her doubtful voice carrying clear as a bell on the cool morning air. “That seems kinda gross and crazy.”
“Well, you know what they say about people who choose to hide out in lairs deep in the mountains?”
“That they’re superheroes?”
“No. They’re weird and gross.”
Ellie giggles, and my heart squeezes. I love how patient and easy going this man is. He literally met us yesterday, and already it feels like he’s supposed to be a part of our lives. Elena has never had a strong male role model, and besides a couple of kind teachers, I never really did either. I’m already envisioning Ajax being a great influence in both of our lives. But for me, I want more than just role modeling. I want him. All of him.
“Ainsley!” Elena spots me and quickly jumps to her feet. “Ajax let me do some gardening. I picked carrots and agiantzucchini.” She rushes toward me and is breathless once she’s standing at my feet. “He says he can turn them into a yummy breakfast. But I don’t believe him. There won’t even be any chocolate in it!”
I smile as I reach out and give her a scrub on the top of her head. “Well, you’ll have to try just a little bit to see if he’s telling the truth.”
She holds her finger and thumb about a millimeter apart. “I’ll try a teeny-weeny bit.”
“Why don’t you wash up while I get cookin’?” Ajax says, coming up behind her with a wicker basket in hand. “Won’t take long.”
“Need some help?” I ask, my heart skipping a beat as my brown eyes meet his emerald green ones. They’re so much brighter in the light of day. “I’m already washed up and everything.” I wiggle my fingers at him, and for a moment he looks like he’s going to refuse me. But instead, he lifts his chin to indicate I go ahead of him. The moment I’m back in the kitchen, all I can do is think about last night and that kiss.
Ajax looks to the bathroom where the sounds of the faucet running can be heard while Elena sings a song about cleaning the dirt away. He sets his features straight then turns my way. “About last night.” He looks serious, so it’s hard for me to keep my smile.
“You mean when we kissed?”
He clears his throat and glances at the bathroom again. “It can’t happen again.”
