Page 16 of Unbound
"You don't know." Andrew's tone suggested this was not an acceptable answer for someone planning to mess with another person's life.
"Look," I said, sitting forward, trying to find the words to explain something I didn't fully understand myself. "You didn't see him in that bathroom. You didn't see the way he looked at me. He's not some mindless bigot. He's trapped. Scared. There's something real under all that programming, and it's fighting to get out."
"So you’ve decided to help it along," Elijah said. Not accusatory, just observing.
"Why not?" I spread my hands. "If someone's drowning, you throw them a rope. If someone's trapped in a cult—"
"This isn't a cult," Sam interrupted. "It's his family. His entire life. You're not throwing him a rope, you're asking him to burn everything down."
"Maybe everythingshouldburn down." The words came out hotter than I'd intended. "Maybe that's exactly what he needs."
"And if it destroys him in the process?" This from Andrew, quiet and serious. "These people don't just shun you for stepping out of line. They disown you. Cut you off completely. Are you prepared to be his soft landing when his whole world collapses?"
The question hung in the air, heavy with implications I hadn't really considered. I'd been thinking about the chase, the challenge, the satisfaction of cracking Jesse's careful control. I hadn't thought much about what came after.
"This is like something out of a movie," Jamie said dreamily, apparently oblivious to the tension in the room. "The repressed religious boy and the confident gay who shows him who he really is. It's so romantic."
"It's not a movie," Diana said firmly. "It's someone's life. Someone who's been psychologically abused since childhood."
"Which is exactly why he needs to get out," I argued. "And if a little flirtation is what it takes to make him question everything, then—"
"Then what?" Sam's voice was ice-cold. "You'll what, Adrian? Seduce him away from his faith? Make him fall in love with you and then what? Keep him as a trophy? Proof that you can convert anyone?"
"That's not, you know I would never—“ I started, but Sam wasn't finished.
"Because that's what this sounds like to me. You're treating him like a conquest. Like he's not a real person with real feelings who's going to get genuinely hurt when this all falls apart."
"You think I'd hurt him?" The accusation stung more than it should have.
"I think you're not thinking past your own ego," Sam shot back. "I think you see this as a game, and you haven't considered what happens when it stops being a new fun conquest.”
"Okay, everyone take a breath," Andrew said, his presidential voice cutting through the tension. "This is getting heated."
"It should be heated," Sam muttered, but they sat back, arms crossed.
Diana closed her laptop and looked at me with that concerned expression that always made me feel about twelve years old. "Adrian, honey, what Sam is trying to say—quite badly, I might add—is that we're worried about you. And about this boy."
"Jesse," I said. "His name is Jesse."
"Jesse," she repeated. "We're worried that you're going to get in over your head. That you're going to catch feelings for someone whose entire identity is built around hating people like us. And all of this over a stupid bet, a dumb game that reinforces all of those negative stereotypes about the gays and forcing their lifestyles on others.”
“Diana, you know I’m not like that,” I shot back, the heat rising in me. “I respect people's free will more than anything. I'd never push anyone into something they're not ready for or don’t want. And he doesn't hate us," I added, surprising myself with how certain I sounded. "He's been told to hate us. That's different."
"Is it, though?" Elijah asked quietly.
I looked at him, my best friend who'd spent years living as someone he wasn't before finally finding the courage to be himself. If anyone understood what Jesse might be going through, it would be Eli.
"You tell me," I said. "You lived a lie for twenty years. Was that hate, or fear?"
Something shifted in Elijah's expression. "Fear," he said after a moment. "Definitely fear. But Adrian, that doesn't make it less dangerous. Scared people do desperate things when cornered. And if you're wrong about him..."
"I'm not wrong." I wasn't sure how I knew that, but I did. "You should have seen him today. The way he reacted when I asked him real questions. He's not a true believer. He's just never been given permission to doubt."
"So you think you're going to give him permission?" Andrew asked.
"If that's what it takes."
Phoenix, who'd been uncharacteristically quiet during the serious part of the conversation, suddenly clapped their hands together. "Well, I think it's fascinating. When's the next date?"
