Page 95 of Unbound
"I'm fine," I said, my voice cracking on the lie.
"Sure you are." He moved to the sink beside me, leaning against it casually. Not crowding me, just present. "Want to try that again?"
I looked at him in the mirror—my best friend, the person who'd seen me at my worst and somehow still chose to stick around. He was wearing one of my old hoodies, the blue one I'd given him sophomore year when he'd been having a particularly bad dysphoria day. It still fit him perfectly.
"This is my fault," I said, the words coming out broken. "All of it."
"We've been over this—"
"No, Eli. Listen to me." I turned to face him properly, needing him to understand. "I destroyed him. I took this beautiful, complicated, struggling person and I turned him into a game. A fucking dare. Because I was bored. Because I wanted to prove how irresistible I was. Because I thought it would be fun to watch someone's world burn."
Elijah studied me with those dark, steady eyes that had always seen too much. "Is that really what you think happened?"
"Isn't it? I pursued him like he was prey. I cornered him, manipulated him, made him question everything he'd been taught. And when he finally broke free, when he finally chose to be himself—they destroyed him for it. They put him in that place and tortured him for two months because of me."
"Because of you?" Elijah's voice got sharper. "Adrian, his parents put him there. His church put him there. A system that'sbeen abusing queer kids for decades put him there. You didn't create that system."
"But I triggered it. I lit the fuse."
Elijah was quiet for a moment, considering. Then he stepped closer, close enough that I could see the concern etched in every line of his face.
"Do you remember when I told you I was trans?"
The question caught me off guard. "Of course I do. Sophomore year, your dorm room. You were terrified."
"Do you remember what you said?"
I tried to think back. It felt like a lifetime ago. "I said... I said I was honoured you trusted me. And that nothing had changed between us."
"And what did you do? After I told you?"
The memories came flooding back. "I helped you pick your name. Drove you to your first therapy appointment. Held your hand during your first testosterone shot. Stood up to that asshole professor who kept deadnaming you."
"And when my parents cut me off?"
"We raided my meal plan and my dad's credit card to make sure you ate. I let you crash in my room for three weeks until housing sorted out the roommate situation."
"And when I had top surgery?"
"I took care of you. Helped you shower, reminded you to take your meds, slept on your floor for a week to make sure you were okay."
Elijah nodded slowly. "Right. All of that. Now tell me—did you make me trans?"
"What? No, of course not. You were always—"
"Did you make me come out? Did you force me to transition? Did you manipulate me into being myself?"
"No, but that's not the same thing—"
"Isn't it?" Elijah moved closer, his voice gentle but insistent. "Adrian, you didn't make me trans. But you made it possible for me to live as myself. You saw who I really was before I even had the words for it. You created a safe space for me to figure it out."
I shook my head. "That's different. I cared about you. With Jesse, it was a stupid game. I did the one thing that bigots everywhere say we do; I proved them right!”
“Did you? Really?" Elijah tilted his head, studying me. "Because I watched you with him. I saw how you looked at him, how you talked about him. Even before you admitted you had feelings, I could see it."
"See what?"
"The same look you had when you were helping me. Like you recognized something in him that he couldn't see yet. Like you wanted to protect him, even from himself.”
