Page 25 of Blind Spot
I had to give myself a pep talk because I was losing my grip on things. With her being in my home, spending more time together, and knowing that we were both free, I had been leaning toward sharing my true feelings with her. Yet, I didn’t have my shit together to do that. I had a full-time job, and I made moneyracing. But all that shit could change tomorrow. The job was a dead-end job, and the racing could land my ass right back in jail. I wasn’t any better off now than I’d been before I went to prison.
Sighing, I grabbed the pills and headed back into the bedroom.
“Here, take these so that you can start feeling better,” I demanded, shaking two pills into her outstretched hand.
She popped them into her mouth while I opened the water bottle. I waited until she had taken them before I returned the pills to the bathroom and climbed back into bed with her.
“Come here.” I spread my legs and reached for her. She climbed in between them and rested her back against me and her head against my chest.
For all sakes and purposes, we were friends. But we had always operated like we were something more. Most people wouldn’t be okay with how we flowed, and we always understood that. In the past, her boyfriends hadn’t been any more comfortable with me than the girls I kicked it with had been with her.
Whereas some of the women knew that I sat in bed with her and vice versa, or that she felt comfortable walking around in the nude around me, she had never told any of the guys she dated that. I didn’t give a fuck about the women I screwed around with, knowing that, because they were only there for one purpose anyway. I never had long-term plans for any of the women in my life.
When I got out of jail and learned that she was with my brother, we had to adapt a different flow. I knew that he wouldn’t go for that shit any more than I would if the roles were reversed. The odd thing was, Ramon knew how Charly and I rolled. He knew how we used to spend the night at each other’s places and sleep in the same bed and walk around each otherwith barely anything on. That was why I couldn’t figure out back then why he would even want to fuck with her.
“I wanted to tell you that I’m sorry.”
“I know.”
“I’ll try to be better at expressing my feelings than I was last night. That shouting shit ain’t ever been you and me, and it’s not about to start now.”
“I know.”
“And I’m sorry that I walked away from you.”
“I know that, too, Dom. You don’t like being forced to face feelings and emotions that you’d rather bury. I know that I cornered you last night about what happened. I can’t say that I didn’t mean to, because I definitely meant it. I just hate that I made you feel some type of way about it.”
I kissed the top of her head. She moved it from my chest to my shoulder and looked up at me. “Friends?”
“Always, Shortcake.”
My heart tugged in my chest because at those words, I saw the sadness in her eyes. I knew that she wanted more from me, and if there was any woman that I could give more to, it would be her. Only I didn’t feel like I had shit to offer her. If I had to pair her with any man other than myself, it would have been my older brother, Joaquin. He was not only a good man, but a loving family man. He wanted a family and to attend church and do all the Disney vacation shit. He would be a wonderful provider to some woman someday.
He was a professional race driver with lots of sponsorships, and he was a household name. Joaquin had invested his money well. He was the type of man who could almost be good enough for Charly.
“I talked to Chopper again.”
“Yeah? What’d he say?”
“He says that the team is already tight, and that he doesn’t need to bring new energy. He says that he’s not sure my chemistry will fit in with the team.”
I sighed.
“You already knew that, though, didn’t you?” she asked.
“I know that he told me he was worried about your short fuse.”
She giggled. “I can see that. But what he can’t see is what I have to offer. I’m not the only one with a short fuse. He’s got several guys on his team that has one as well. Why is it that when a female has an issue, it’s a problem, but when a man has that same issue, it’s okay?”
“I’m not going down that road with you,” I stated in a warning tone.
She shifted in my embrace. “I would definitely force you down it if I were feeling better.”
“I know. But I’m gonna chill with you all day and take care of you. Maybe we could have that argument some other time.”
She turned around in my arms with her head against my chest.
“You know the minute that I knew I made a mistake with Ramon?”
