Page 34 of Blind Spot
“The fact that you can say that, and I know you’re lying, is a problem for me, Dom.”
He dragged his hands over his head, leaned forward, and rested his elbows on his knees. “What do you want me to do, Charly? What is it that you want from me?” he asked, looking over his shoulder at me.
“For you to be honest with yourself and real with me.”
“When haven’t I ever been all that?”
“Since I moved in.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Do you remember all those years ago when I told you how I felt about you?”
“The night after your sixteenth birthday.”
“Yeah.”
“What about it?”
“You hurt me so badly back then. I felt like there was a whole vibe between us beyond being best friends. The way you used to look at me when you thought I wasn’t looking, how you flirted with me, and the things you’d say about my changing shape. I mean, I thought you were attracted to me, but then you just shot me down like I wasn’t shit.”
“I never said or insinuated that.”
“You definitely didn’t insinuate that I was attractive.”
“You’ve always been beautiful, Charly. I didn’t need to tell you that. And everyone found you attractive, including me.”
“Then why did you shoot me down and make me feel the way that you did? Why did you ghost me for almost a year before I chased you down at your grandmother’s house that weekend and forced you to talk to me?”
“Because you were asking for things that I couldn’t give you, Charly. You wanted shit that I wasn’t capable of giving you.”
“I wanted what I always wanted from you, Dom. I wanted your friendship, protection, love, and attention.”
“But you wanted it in a different way. I couldn’t do that back then, Char. I was heading down the wrong path, and I knew it. I knew that if I took you with me, I would fuck up your life, and you deserved better than that. I had just found out that same day that Ariana was pregnant.”
I lost my breath for a moment, and my stomach twisted tightly inside of me. I wanted to throw up, and I felt like I was being pricked with a thousand tiny needles. But I couldn’t let him know that. I needed to hear the whole story, and if Dom knew how screwed up I felt, he would stop, out of his need to protect me.
“What? Ariana who?”
“Ariana Suarez. That girl I’d been kicking it with that summer. Li’l mixed girl with the green eyes and brownish-blonde hair.”
“Dom! How come you never told me that? You’ve got a kid out here somewhere? Or did she have an abortion or something?” I punched him in the shoulder with each question.
Dominic had curled in on himself, trying to block my blows. His scrunched-up face told me that he didn’t like that, and finally, he reached out and grabbed my hands to stop me.
“Stop that shit! I didn’t tell you because I couldn’t. My head was messed up with what she’d told me, and then you came and told me about your feelings. I had no idea what was about to happen with my life, but I knew that I couldn’t do that to you. I didn’t want you to find out, and I didn’t want to hurt you, so I just kinda disappeared. I started hanging out in the streets more and staying with Abuela to avoid you.”
“What happened to the baby?” I asked, pressing my fist against my mouth.
“It wasn’t mine. My daddy insisted that I get a DNA test when the baby was born, and the baby wasn’t mine.”
I pulled my feet up on the couch and hugged my knees to my chest. I rocked back and forth in a futile attempt to comfort myself over something that shouldn’t hurt anymore.
“I can’t believe this,” I mumbled.
“Do you see why I didn’t want you to fuck with me like that? You didn’t deserve that. You didn’t deserve to get caught up in my stupid decisions or to have to go through any unnecessary bullshit with me. You deserved better.”
“Better than what? You should’ve let me be the judge.”
