Page 48 of The Hero I Can't Resist
SKYLER
I take a few deep breaths. It’s time for my live on ClipClap, and I’ve told myself all day that I’m ready for it, but now that I’m about to hit the live button, I’m not so sure.
I finally convinced Aria that I was okay. She helped me with my makeup to hide the bruise on my face, and then she went home. I spent the afternoon planning for tonight’s live, and as I look at the counter, seeing all the ingredients and everything set up and ready, I try to focus. I can do this.
I take a deep breath, let it out, and then hit the button to go live. With a smile on my face, I wave at the camera. “Hey Cookie Crew! I’m here, and I’m ready to get lost in the baking. You know how when sometimes you need to take a break and dosomething that doesn’t require a lot of thinking? That’s how baking is for me.”
I suck in a breath. Already, I’m off track.Focus, Skyler.
“All right, friends, I have a treat for you. Today, we’re making an apple pie. I don’t know about you, but homemade pies make me think of home, cozy, safety… love.”
The word catches in my throat, and I turn away from the camera to get myself together. Maybe Aria was right; maybe this was too soon. Forcing a smile to my face, I hold up a bowl and point into it. “Okay, to start, we’re going to make the dough.” I mix in the flour, sugar, and salt and then add cut-up slices of butter. I mix and then add ice water until the dough comes together. I work the dough, shaping it as I instruct how to do it.
I wrap the two discs of dough in plastic and then put it in the fridge to chill.
I hold up an apple. “Okay, guys, are we having fun? Next, we’re going to make the filling.”
As I prepare the filling, I talk to my viewers. “So how are you guys? Everyone doing okay?” I lean into read the comments. “Hey, Elise! Yes, apple pie is my favorite too.”
“Hey, Kara, I love caramel. We can add that to the apple filling. Yum!”
My face falls as I read another comment. “Zach? Uh, he’s not here.”
I hold a finger up to the camera. “I’ll be right back. I need to get something from the fridge.”
I walk off screen, take a deep breath, and try to get myself together. I should have been prepared for this. I should have known that people would ask about Zach, and I’m not ready to answer them. It’s too soon.
I lean back into the frame and smile. “And I’m back!” As I slice the apples and the thunk of the knife hitting the board fills the quiet kitchen, I start to ramble. “Like I said, I love a good apple pie. I love the smell of it baking. I mean, who doesn’t love when the scent of apple and cinnamon fills your house? It’s comforting, right?”
I hold up an apple. “It’s weird, if you think about it. Like, I have this apple and some of them are perfect, crisp, and sweet.” I hold up an apple with a big bruise on the side. “And then sometimes you getan apple with a bruise, and you have to decide if you’re going to cut around the bruise and use what’s left or if you should throw the whole thing out.”
I pause and tighten my hold on the knife before I start slicing out the bruise. Instead of looking at the camera, I’m staring at the bruised apple as I work. “Heartbreak is kind of like that. When your heart gets bruised, you wonder if you’re ever going to be whole again. You can’t just cut out that bruised side of your heart, though. And yeah, people say that time heals, but in that moment, you don’t believe them. You begin to wonder if you’ll ever be the same again. Will the ache ever stop? Or will you always be half a person with a bruised heart?”
I let out a breath and then dump the apple slices into the bowl. “What if you just have to learn to live like this? With a heart that never heals.”
I use my arm and wipe at a tear that has rolled down my cheek, and I force out a laugh. “Oh my goodness, Cookie Crew, this was supposed to be about pie.”
I pick up the cinnamon as my back door opens. I freeze, and then I’m stunned when Zach walks in.
His gaze eats me up, and he points to the door. “You left the door unlocked.”
I swallow, unable to form a sentence.
He moves into the room. “I was sitting in your driveway, watching your live, and I had to come in. I hope that’s okay.”
I nod.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have left. Seeing you hurt about killed me, and I convinced myself that you were better off without me.”
Finally, I find my voice. “I’m not.” Stronger, firmer, I shake my head. “I’m not better without you, Zach.”
He walks toward me but stops short of touching me. “I’m lost without you, Skyler. I love you. I love you so much, and even though I know you deserve someone better, I can’t let you go.”
I clear my throat and look at the camera, my heart pounding. “Hey everyone.” I chuckle. “Uh, sometimes these lives go off the rails, huh? I know we have a pie to make, but I’m going to need a few minutes. I’ll be back… thirty minutes, okay?”
I lean down and look at the comments. People are screaming in all caps saying no and wondering what’s going on. I turn to Zach. “They want to know if you’re going to be on the live later too.”
He swallows hard and nods. “Yeah, I’ll be here. I’m not going anywhere.”
