Page 99 of The Saviors: Part One
“Yeah.” I sigh. “No. How am I supposed to do this when I can’t even help her when she needs it?”
“Look, I know I wasn’t the biggest supporter of this, but she has two of you. Whatever you can’t handle, Sean can, and vice versa. She doesn’t expect you to be Superman, Kai. Does she know?”
I shake my head. “I haven’t been able to tell her yet.” How do you tell the woman you’re falling in love with that you were snatched off the street because one of your old foster parents owed someone money? And you were tortured for days locked in a goddamn cage, and now you can’t be in tight spaces without freaking out? How do you tell her you can’t comfort her during a panic attack because you heard yourself screaming instead of her?
“Why?” he asks gently. I know he’s not judging me. He’s just genuinely curious. “I think if anyone is going to understand, it’s her.”
“I know that. It’s everything after that that I don’t want to tell her.”
“You got revenge.”
“I killed twelve people without remorse.”
“You took your life back,” Axel argues. “Why should you have remorse for someone that didn’t give a fuck about you?”
“What about everything after that, Axel? I have more blood on my hands than all of you combined. I’ve tortured, maimed, and burned people alive. How the hell is she still going to love me after she finds that out?”
“She’ll love you despite that,” Axel says hotly, sitting up in the chair. “You aren’t giving her enough credit for the forgiveness she has in her heart. Don’t you think she already knows who you are? She grew up in the life, Kai. She knows and still keeps you around. Maybe you need to think about that.”
“What about the shit we’re bringing down on her head?”
“We protect her just like it always should have been. That’s what we do, and that doesn’t change because of who it is. Charlie is going to come at me full force now that he knows she’s back in my life. And I’ll use my last goddamn breath to protect her, and I know you will too. I fucked up once. I won’t do it again.”
“You can’t hurt her again, Axel. If you even think about leaving her again, you’ll be my next victim.”
“If that thought ever crosses my mind, I’ll hand you the fucking gun.” I finally look at him, and the truth is all over his face. “I think it’s time we stop running from our pasts.”
“What does that mean?”
“I think we should lay down roots. In Forest Grove. After Charlie is gone, of course. We can still do our work.”
“Where is this coming from? You said it’s not safe to stay in one place.” He said it all the damn time that we can’t stay in one place for long because it’s easier to track us down that way.
Axel shrugs. “We can protect ourselves, and we’re better together as a team.”
“And?” I can sense that there’s more.
“I want to do it for Chelsea.” He pauses and settles back in his chair. “And Nolan.”
“Nolan?” I know that they had their fun this morning, which shocked the fuck out of me, but in a way, it’s not surprising. Axel has always been easier on Nolan, softer somehow.
“We ripped him from his home and moved him all over hell and back since then. Hell, he’s been with Ari’s team more than us. I want him to have a place to call home again.”
“And you think this is the place?”
“I do. Don’t you?”
Being bounced between foster homes, I never had a home. When I joined the Saviors,theywere home. I didn’t give a fuck where I laid my head down at night. Chelsea being in the picture changed that. I want to be wherever she and Sean are. “I do.”
“I’d like to stay close while there’s still a threat, but after that, I’m assuming you guys will stay with Chels?”
“I think so. We haven’t really worked all that out.”
“I saw her with you guys, man. She’s not going to want you to leave.”
“You’re okay with all this?”
“I wasn’t. Even before I knew it was Chelsea. But I understand now.”
