Page 44 of A Light So Blinding
He didn’t recognize his own voice as he brokenly asked, “Did I hurt anyone?”
Her eyes widened, but he knew Astrid would tell him the truth. She wasn’t a liar, or at least, it didn’t seem like she was. Slowly, she nodded her head and replied, “Only those who deserved it.”
“Good.”
Then he noticed all the bodies. So many dead humans, strewn about like a bear had found them and tossed them aside. Swallowing hard, he turned back to the cage and inspected the people within it. There were four trolls in this one. Two young women and two young men. They’d likely been a hunting party who had gone out to get food, considering the clothing they wore. The more lavender-colored female spoke up. “The guard at your feet, he had the keys.”
Astrid jumped into action. She rummaged through the dead man’s pockets like it wasn’t the first time she’d done so, and started trialing keys in the lock.
He watched her until she found the right key, and then the trolls were free. The young woman who had spoken reached for the keys. “I will take care of the others. You keep your berserker calm.”
Astrid gave her an odd look, then it was just the two of them as the trolls freed the others. And Bjorn was still thinking about what she had done.
He pointed at the body. “That doesn’t make you uncomfortable?”
She glanced down at the dead man. “It does. Horribly, in fact. All I can think of is the labyrinth and watching those people die in front of me.”
“It does not seem to bother you.”
Her pretty eyes flicked up to him, and he saw the horror in them. He saw the fear that rocked through her. But if he hadn’t been looking in her eyes, he never would have known.
“I’m very good at hiding what I’m feeling,” she said.
He watched her walk away from him, picking through the dead bodies as she reached for the first troll that listed to the side. She gave them a body to lean against as they headed away from the carnage that he had created. Bjorn realized he had killed them all. So many men that it was hard to count them.
But he knew his role well. His father had taught him everything, after all.
Squaring his shoulders, he got to work removing the bodies from the campsite. One by one, he stacked them into the cages that the trolls had previously been in. Then he hauled those cages away. He heaved his body into it, putting every ounce of effort into the movement as he could. Alone. Berserkers were always alone.
Until he looked up to see Astrid sitting on a rise. A glowing beacon for him to know that he wasn’t entirely alone. Though she did not help him, she sat in vigil as he removed all the proof of his anger and rage.
Bjorn staggered up the rise toward her. His entire body ached, and he wasn’t sure it was wise to carry her tomorrow, but he would do it. They had lost precious time, and all he wanted was to rest tonight. It did not appear that was going to happen.
“The others started making food,” she said as he got close. “They’re starving.”
“They found food here?”
“A group of them went hunting.” She remained seated where she was, her arms wrapped around her knees, and then she asked, “Are you all right?”
“I am fine.”
“I don’t think you are.” Those light eyes stared right through him, and he hated how correct she was. How shattered he felt. He wasn’t meant to be this weapon and monster who had been sharpened, honed by years of fighting others. He was not who many expected when they saw him.
And still, she sat there looking up at him as though she knew what he was feeling. So he admitted, “I do not know how I feel. It is uncomfortable to have done what I did.”
“You don’t like screams. You said that to me before.”
“When I was a child, I watched my father do exactly what I did there. He killed everyone. Not just the humans, but the trolls too. Cutting through every living being in the area near him while I was hiding under a cart. I waited there for two days until he finally calmed down. Lying in my own piss, and shit, and tears, hoping that my fatherwouldcome back.” He took a deep breath, breathing out through the ache of those memories before finally admitting, “I fear I will someday become him.”
“That sounds… horrific.”
“It was.”
“And is that the only troll you’ve ever met who was like you?”
He nodded. The silence that came after only hurt even more. He had been right. She would think of him as a monster, just as he thought of his father as a monster. He should never have said anything at all.
She dusted off her knees, stood, and then reached out her hand for him. “I cannot stop you from becoming him. But I think I can help you ease an old wound, if you’ll come with me.”
