Page 39 of Carry Me Home
“Has that…has that happened with anyone else?” Shit, this was awkward. I cleared my throat. “The nightmare strangling, I mean.”
“No. But I haven’t slept next to anyone since you.”
“Oh.” My heart fluttered. He hadn’t slept with anyone since me. No, wait. He hadn’tslept next toanyonesince me. That didn’t mean he hadn’t had sex. He could have had sex with a different woman every night and it wouldn’t change the truth of his statement.
His mouth quirked as he took another sip of beer. “Haven’t had sex with anyone, either. Only you.”
“I didn’t ask,” I said. But a hot flush scorched my cheeks.
“No, but you looked like you wanted to.”
I huffed and crossed my arms while my pulse beat out a quick rhythm.Only me, only me, only me.
“Well, there was this one lady,” he admitted. When I arched an eyebrow like I didn’t care, he smirked. “Batshit crazy. Gave me the best blowjob of my life in her parents’ foyer. I jacked off thinking about it last night.”
I fell forward, stumbling over nothing but air and my own horny brain imagining Jack wrap his hand around his dick and pretend it was my mouth. He reached across the bar and steadied me.
“Janie,” he said. All the humor in his eyes evaporated as we stared straight into each other’s eyes, his strong hands the only thing keeping me upright. My knees had melted clean away.
“Yeah?” I breathed.
“The only time I’ll close my eyes around Maya is to blink.” His hands flexed around my biceps. “I swear I’ll keep her safe. From everything. Even me.”
“I believe you.” I shook my head as he slowly released me and eased back on his stool. “Honestly, it never occurred to me that you might not be safe for her. Maybe it should have. ButI always feel safe with you.” I looked at Maya and then back to Jack. “Doyou have PTSD? It’s not a dealbreaker. It’s just something I need to be aware of.”
He snorted. “No. Sometimes I have bad dreams. Not often, but sometimes. That’s not enough to diagnose PTSD.” He rubbed his jaw and contemplated the ceiling. “I wonder about that sometimes, though. What kind of psycho am I to have seen the shit I’ve seen andnothave PTSD about it? But the truth is, it’s not as common as you would think, considering how prevalent it is in movies and fiction. It takes a special kind of resiliency to get through combat dive training, and that same resiliency tends to protect us from PTSD, too, I guess.” He shrugged. “I see a therapist, but that’s to help me deal with the transition to civilian life. It’s not because of trauma.”
“Okay.” I nodded. “I trust you, Jack.”
His throat bobbed as he swallowed hard. “Thank you.”
“But what are you going to do with a seven-year-old girl all day?” I pushed. “You’re going to be so bored.”
He chuckled. “I’m not going to be bored. We’ll hunt amphibians. Does Maya ride? If she’s up for it, we can go trail riding. Or the library. Maya strikes me as a library kid.” His eyes cut to her and his lips tilted in a smile. “I could ask her what she wants to do. I bet she’ll tell me.”
“She will,” I agreed. I exhaled slowly and rolled my shoulders, feeling a tiny bit of tension ease. Maybe this could really work. “She does best on a schedule. She hates change, unless she’s the one leading it. We should do a practice day so you two can get to know each other better. Maybe Saturday? At my parents’ house, we?—”
Shit.
How could I have forgotten? I pinched the bridge of my nose.
“What?” he asked. “What’s wrong?”
“We spend the night a couple times a week at my parents’ house. Any time I have to close the bar. That way I don’t have to get her up in the middle of the night and bring her home.”
He tucked his tongue into his cheek as he studied me, amusement and something else—something hotter—dancing in his eyes. “So you’re saying this is a live-in manny position?”
I groaned. “That’s what would make the most sense, yes.”
He was outright grinning now. “Sure, Ace. I’ll move in with you.” He dropped his head, a deep chuckle making his shoulders shake. “To be honest, my mom would be thrilled to get me out of her hair for the summer. I’m driving her nuts.”
I stared at him, trying to make sense of how everything had unfolded. Nothing had ever just…worked out for me. I didn’t trust it. “I can’t believe this is happening. It’s soweird.”
“It’sgood. Fuck Todd, and fuck anyone who says you need to apologize when some dickweed invites himself into your space.” His jaw ticked again, but then his body twitched like he was physically shaking off the bad vibes. He swallowed the last of his beer and pushed to his feet. “I’ll pick Maya up from school tomorrow, okay? We’ll talk more then and take it from there.”
“Okay,” I said, still perplexed.
He paused by Maya on the way out the door. “Is it okay with you if I pick you up from school tomorrow?”
