Page 28 of Carry Me Home
“Oh. All right.” Princess Diana was another one of Maya’s special interests, but this one my parents actually approved of.
Maya made a beeline for her room. Mom turned to me, seeming surprised to find me still standing there. “I laid out an appropriate outfit on your bed. Hurry, please. Guests will be arriving any minute.”
“Mom, I am dressed.” I gestured to the pants and blouse I had painstakingly selected with her taste in mind. “Look at me.”
With an impatient sigh, she looked me up and down. “No. Go change.”
My heart sank into my shoes. Dammit. I had actually tried this time. “What about Claire?”
Mom looked at Claire and smiled. People couldn’t help but smile at Claire. “Lovely, as always.”
Claire’s eyes darted to me, her forehead pinched. “I’ll come with you, Janie?—”
“No.” I shook her hand off my arm and turned back to our mother. “We’re wearing the exact same outfit. The only difference is Claire’s blouse is navy and mine is purple.”
“Claire looks like Katherine Hepburn. You look like a hobo,” Mom snapped. “Trousers don’t suit you with those hips. Go change.”
I wasn’t going to win this one. I never did, when I went toe-to-toe with Mom. She didn’t need to hold all the cards; she held the only one that mattered. Maya. Feeling like I was twelveagain instead of a full-grown adult, I stormed up the stairs, Claire at my heels.
“At least Mom has good taste.” Claire she shut the door behind us with a quiet snick. I would have slammed it. “I mean, whatever she picked out, it will be nice. She won’t send you down there in yellow paisley or ruffles.”
I ran my fingertips over the fine wool pencil skirt she had laid out on my bed. Claire wasn’t wrong. The quality was impeccable. “I really did try to do it right this time.”
“I know you did. You should juststop, you know? We’re never going to make them happy. Don’t bend over backwards for people who don’t appreciate you.”
Thewewas generous. Claire made them happy without even trying. Every boyfriend I brought home was worse than the last, but Claire? They were thrilled when she came out and absolutely beside themselves when she introduced them to Nisha. In their political circles, it gave them clout. I knew it made Claire feel like she needed to shower after fundraising events, but it could have been so much worse.
So, yeah. Claire made them happy just by being Claire. I, on the other hand, couldn’t make them happy no matter what I did.
I tossed the trousers and blouse aside and grabbed the pencil skirt, holding it up at eye level. “It looks a little small.”
Claire waved dismissively. “You always think you’re bigger than you are. I’m sure it will fit.”
I searched for a tag to verify that it was my size, but there wasn’t one. With a sigh, I stepped into it. I had to wiggle it over my hips and suck in my belly to zip up the side zipper, but once everything was in place, it wasn’t too bad. I could still breathe and move. The fabric held me in like a girdle, flattening my belly while enhancing my curves.
When I realized Mom had chosen a button-down top, I groaned. “Why would she do this? I’m not wearing the rightbra for this shirt.” I would have needed a minimizer to pull this off, but I’d gone with my favorite push-up. Button-downs and I did not get along. My chest always made the space between the buttons gape.
“Yeah, that doesn’t look good.” Claire eyed me with pursed lips. “Unbutton the top two. That should give you enough extra fabric that the rest of the buttons lie flat.”
I did as she said, and she was right. The shirt fit perfectly.
Unfortunately, it made my boobs the star of the show.
Claire’s eyes bugged out. “Shit, Janie, you lookhot. God, I wish I had your cleavage. Just for a day,” she said wistfully. “Nisha and I would have so much fun.”
Normally I was a huge fan of my tits, but right now I wished I could flatten them. “Mom is going to be pissed if I walk out there like this.”
“She has no one to blame but herself,” Claire pointed out. “Anyway, maybe having your tits out will be a good thing! Chat up those old ranchers. Milk them for every cent you can.” She gave a snort of laughter at her own joke. “Get it?Milkthem?”
I made a gagging face. “Gross, Claire. I can’t decide whether to laugh or puke. I don’t want these people anywhere near my boobs.”
“Suck it up, my love.” Claire nudged me to the door. “With great power comes great responsibility. Use your tits for good.”
I lookedat all the beautiful people and felt overwhelmed with gratitude that this wasn’t my life anymore. There wasn’t asingle part of me that regretted walking away from all this. The money. The proximity to power. The status. From a distance, it all looked like a good time. But I had lived with it intimately and knew that money came with strings, power was abused, and keeping a high status was dependent on shoving someone else lower.
No fucking thank you.
I was happy with the life I had built. It might not come with a Chanel handbag, but at least it was bought and paid for honestly.
