Page 75 of Carry Me Home
She snorted. “Yeah,nowI do. But until a week ago, I was a bartender at—no offense to Brax, honestly I love the Painted Cat—but it’s a dive bar in a one-stoplight town. That’s not a career. That’s a placeholder. It’s what you do until your real life starts.”
“If you wanted more than bartending, you should have told Brax. He would have made you manager in a heartbeat.”
“Maybe that’s why I didn’t ask.” The pencil stopped moving, and my heart damn near stopped, too.
“You don’t want to be manager?” I asked carefully.
“I don’t know,” she confessed softly. She sighed. She picked up the pencil again. “I mean, it’s so good for me and Maya, right? No more late nights, no more weekend shifts. The money is better. But…” She chewed the inside of her cheek. “It’s not a placeholder position. This is my real life now. I’m a manager, and I’ll probably alwaysbea manager. This is it, for the rest of my life. I’m not complaining. Brax is a great boss. I should be grateful. It’s what’s best for Maya.”
But it’s not what’s best for Janie.
She didn’t say that. She never would. Maya came first, always.
But we both knew it was true.
Janie shimmied her shoulders like she was brushing away the clouds. “I really do like it at the Painted Cat, you know. People tell me the craziest shit when they’re drunk. I love that. And my decisions are my own. No one is coercing me.”
Guilt felt like a lead brick on my chest. I didn’t coerce her into taking the management position. Brax hadn’t, either. But it still felt like I had done something…well, not wrong, exactly, but I was beginning to suspect she wouldn’t like it.
In fact, I suspected she would fuckinghateit.
I needed to tell her the truth. And I would. But not today.
Because today had been perfect, and I wanted it to stay that way.
And also because I was a fucking coward.
We didn’t talk for a while after that. She focused all of her attention on my body and her sketchpad. I could have watched her talented fingers fly across the paper for hours. That adorable crease between her furrowed eyebrows as she concentrated.Yeah, watching her get lost in something she loved, that she was so damn good at, that did it for me.
It should have been awkward, the way her eyes narrowed on my scar or my foot or my broken nose. But it wasn’t. I didn’t feel vulnerable, even though I was completely exposed. I felt seen.
This time when her eyes landed on mine, there was something different in her gaze. It wasn’t just an artist’s interest in a subject. Heat and…was Janie blushing, or was that the sun turning her cheeks pink?
“Tell me the truth, Ace. Are you sketching my dick right now?”
She burst out laughing. “How did you know?”
“My dick can sense these things. It likes the attention. See how it’s rising to the occasion?” I gestured toward my hardening cock.
Her lips quirked. “This isn’t supposed to be that kind of drawing.”
“The dick wants what the dick wants, honey. It’s hard to stay soft when you’re doing that.”
“When I’m focusing all my attention on your dick?” She snickered. “Men are such simple creatures.”
“That’s not it.” Or maybe it was a little, because of course I liked it when Janie was looking at my dick, but it was more than that. “It’s how you look while you’re doing it. So intense. Focused. If I had any artistic skill at all, I’d want to draw you like this. Completely in your element. You’re beautiful, Janie.”
Her flush deepened. “Oh, Jack,” she murmured. “I am going to suck your dickso hardwhen I’m done.”
Even with the promise of a blowjob, I didn’t want this moment to end. Hell, I didn’t want any of this to end. I didn’t want to say goodbye to Janie and Maya in September. How would that work? Fuck if I knew. With Maya in school, a full-time nanny wouldn’t be necessary. I didn’t need the money, butI knew myself well enough to know I wouldn’t be happy sitting around all day, either.
I didn’t have a plan.
But for the first time, I was okay with that.
30
JANIE
