Page 183 of Almost Ours
He climbed out, wearing a faded green henley that hugged his chest and arms just enough to make my brain short-circuit. The late summer sun caught the slight scruff on his jaw, and his dark hair was just messy enough to make me think of running my fingers through it.
It took everything I had not to launch myself at him.
Instead, I stood frozen in the doorway, one hand gripping the frame for support as he approached.
“Hey,” he said, his voice low and warm.
“Hi.” My voice came out smaller than I intended, but I managed a weak smile. “Connor’s inside.”
He gave a small nod, his expression unreadable, and stepped past me into the house.
God, he smelled good. Like cedarwood and soap, and something uniquelyRyan. I swallowed hard and shut the door behind him, willing myself to keep it together.
“Connor!” I called, my voice slightly too loud. “Ryan’s here!”
Connor came barrelling down the stairs, skidding to a stop when he saw Ryan. His face lit up and he ran straight into Ryan’s arms.
“Hey bud,” Ryan said, ruffling Connor’s hair. “Got a sec to talk?”
Connor nodded eagerly, and the two of them headed out back. I stayed behind, watching through the window as they sat on the porch steps.
Ryan leaned forward, talking to Connor with that same quiet patience he always had with him. Connor listened intently, nodding along before suddenly throwing his arms around Ryan’s neck.
My chest tightened at the sight.
This is for him. This is what he needs.
Watching them, though, it felt like something was fracturing inside me.
I’d put him through hell these past few months. He had every right to leave. After everything, I’d been awful to him. He’d been so patient, so kind, quietly proving over and over that he cared about me and Connor in ways I hadn’t even let myself see.
And what had I done? I’d pushed him away. I’d had everything I ever wanted–him–and I threw it away.
Now he has this incredible opportunity. He deserves this. He needs this.
He won’t forgive me for what I’ve put him through, and I don’t blame him. I missed my chance.
When they finally came back inside, Connor’s eyes were red-rimmed, and Ryan looked like he was barely holding it together himself.
I crouched down in front of Connor, brushing a strand of hair out of his face. “You okay, baby?”
He nodded but sniffled. “I’m gonna miss him.”
I glanced up at Ryan, who looked like he was about to break. My throat burned, as I forced myself to focus on Connor.
“It’s okay to be sad,” I said softly, taking his shoulders in my hands. “And it’s okay to miss Ryan. But you know what? He’s not going to be gone forever. This is such an amazing opportunity for him. He’s going to make such a difference in these kids’ lives. We need to be happy for him, okay?”
Connor wiped his nose on his sleeve, nodding slowly. “But he makes a difference in my life, too.”
Ryan turned away abruptly, his hand coming up to rub the back of his neck.
I swallowed the lump in my throat and pulled Connor closer. “And he always will,” I said firmly. “Ryan is always going to be a part of your life. This isn’t going to change that.”
Connor’s lower lip wobbled, and I added quickly, “We’ll set up FaceTime dates so you can talk to him and tell him everything that’s going on. How does that sound?”
His face brightened a little at that, nodding again. Then he turned to Ryan, his face solemn.
“You’re the best, Ryan,” he said quietly. “I’m gonna miss you so much.”
