Page 192 of Almost Ours
“Ryan,” I started, my voice faltering. “I-”
“I just…” He shook his head, a faint smile tugging at his lips as if he was trying to brush it off. “It’s a lot to figure out. But I’ll make it work. For Connor, for… everything.”
The way he looked at me when he said that made my chest ache. I wanted to tell him how much it meant to me that he cared, how much I cared. But the words caught in my throat, tangled up in the uncertainty.
His gaze lingered on me, like he was waiting for me to say more, but I couldn’t. How could I tell him how I felt when I wasn’t even sure he wanted to hear it?
The rain hammered harder against the window, and Ryan leaned back in his chair, his expression softening. “You should get some sleep,” he said quietly.
I nodded, though I knew sleep wouldn’t come easy.
But somehow, as the hours stretched on and the storm raged outside, I found myself drifting off in the chair beside Connor’s bed. My head tilted to the side, brushing against Ryan’s shoulder, and for the first time in what felt like forever, I felt just a little less alone.
The next morning,the rain still streaked the window, but it wasn’t as fierce as the night before. The storm had softened into a steady drizzle, the kind that made everything feel quieter. Peaceful, even. Inside the hospital room, Connor was all grins and chatter, the picture of resilience.
“Do you have practice today?” he asked Ryan, his mouth half-full of scrambled eggs.
Ryan chuckled, setting his coffee down on the small table. “Yeah, this afternoon.”
“Are you leaving soon, then?” Connor asked, his brow furrowing in concern.
Ryan hesitated, glancing at me before answering. “I’m in no rush, bud. I’m happy to hang out with you for a while longer.”
My chest ached at his words, at the way he always made Connor his priority. It would’ve been so easy to tell him to stay, to pretend like there wasn’t a world outside this hospital room. I couldn’t do that to him, though.
“The kids need you, Ryan,” I said softly, trying to sound encouraging even though my heart was screaming for him to stay. “You should go. You don’t want to miss practice.”
His gaze locked with mine, something unreadable in his expression. “Harper–”
“Really,” I said, forcing a smile. “We’re fine. Connor’s in good hands, and he’s feeling better. You should go.”
Even as I said the words, every part of me wanted to reach out and stop him. To tell him that I wasn’t fine, that I needed him here more than I wanted to admit. But I couldn’t ask that of him. He’d already given so much.
Ryan sighed, his shoulders dropping slightly. He turned to Connor, ruffling his hair. “Alright, buddy. I’ll see you soon, okay?”
Connor beamed. “Okay! Don’t forget to tell the team I said hi.”
Ryan laughed. “I won’t.”
Then he turned to me, his eyes lingering on mine a moment too long. “I’ll talk to you soon, Harper.”
“Okay, drive safe.” I whispered, my voice barely audible.
And then he was gone.
The door closed behind him, and I felt like the air had been sucked out of the room. I tried to keep it together, plastering on a smile as the nurse checked in on Connor, but inside, I was a mess.
I couldn’t do this anymore. I couldn’t keep pretending like I didn’t care, like I didn’t want him to be part of my life–not just as Connor’s person, but as mine too.
The truth was, I was so in love with him that it was insane. It wasn’t just about the way he looked at me or Connor, or how he’d dropped everything to be here for us–it was the way he showed up. Again and again, Ryan proved that he cared, that we mattered to him.
Even when we weren’t together, he was always there. Whether it was for Connor’s games, his school events, or just to check in, Ryan had been a constant presence in both of our lives. How could I not love him for that? How could I not love him for everything he was?
I’d spent so much time convincing myself that we were better off apart, that I was better off alone. But now? Watching him walk away felt like losing a part of myself.
I needed to be brave. I needed to be strong. I owed it to myself–and to him–to say the words I’d been holding back for far too long. Even if he didn’t feel the same anymore, even if Iended up with my heart shattered into a million pieces, I had to try.
Because the way I felt about Ryan wasn’t just some fleeting emotion. It was deep, unshakable. And if I let him leave without telling him, I’d regret it for the rest of my life.
