Page 171 of Almost Ours
She didn’t hate me. She was civil. Even kind, sometimes. Though it didn’t feel like we were anywhere close to what we used to be. No matter how hard I tried to show her that I wasn’tthat guy anymore–that I wasn’t the person the media had made me out to be–it didn’t seem to matter.
Her walls were still up.
I didn’t blame her. After everything she’d been through, after everythingI’ddone, those walls were probably the only thing keeping her standing for a long time. But damn, they were strong.
And I couldn’t seem to break through.
My gaze flicked to my phone on the coffee table, temptation clawing at me to text her again, even though I knew it wouldn’t change anything. She had her reasons, and I respected them.
That didn't make it any easier to sit here, though, knowing that in just a few days, I’d be leaving.
Leaving her. Leaving Connor. Even if only for a couple months.
I’d told myself this was the right decision. That I couldn't keep waiting around forever, hoping she’d take me back.
That if I ever wanted to be the kind of man she could trust again, I had to stop holding my breath and actually live my life.
But no matter how many times I repeated it, it didn’t make it hurt any less.
And the worst part? I wished I could’ve talked to her about it.
Harper would’ve known exactly what to say. She would’ve told me I was making the right call. That this was something worth doing. That I wasn’t abandoning anyone–I was building something important.
She would’ve believed in me. Just like she always used to. But I ruined it. Before I gave her every reason not to.
I exhaled sharply, scrubbing a hand over my jaw before pushing up from the couch. Sitting here, drowning in what-ifs, wasn’t going to change a damn thing.
Kyle had come back into town earlier in the week, supposedly to help me pack and get things sorted for training camp. Mostly,though, he and Shane had been on my ass, trying to drag me out for drinks, telling me I needed a break before everything got hectic.
I wasn’t up for it.
Hadn’t been all day.
The buzz of my phone cut through the silence, and I already knew who it was before I reached for it.
Shane: We need a ride from the pub to karaoke.
I grunted, tapping the message. Last thing I wanted to do tonight was play chauffeur.
Ryan: Busy.
A beat passed. Then another.
Shane: No, you’re not. You’re just sitting at home sulking. Let’s go.
I sighed. Asshole wasn’t wrong. That didn’t mean I was about to humour him, though. I set my phone down, rubbing my hands over my face.
The phone buzzed again.
Shane: Harper’s here. She needs a ride too.
I froze.
Harper was there?
With Kyle?
Shit. Did they tell her?
