Page 29 of Ashfall
“Not as a weapon, Brodie.Hisweapon.Hisfinal checkmate. With an award like that, there's absolutely no doubt he’d get a fifth star, the highest-ranking officer in the armed forces. There's only been five in our whole history, and the last was in World War II. And with the upcoming war Volokov wants to try to kick off, Graves has been pulling the strings on it in the background, getting all his knights in a row for years.” My limbs start to vibrate. With rage. With disgust. With a little bit of fear. There's not much in this world that scares me, but to learn that a man you've known for over ten years, who you relied upon for guidance, who was there as a support when my mother died, had such sinister, ulterior motives is horrifying.
The thoughts churn in my mind, making my stomach twist. “How did Volokov know about me?” I clear my throat, my voice is laced with the acidic taste that’s trying to force its way up my throat. “Graves told me at the hotel the first time I saw you, that he knew about us, that we were obvious.”
That makes Noc’s jaw tighten as he huffs a laugh. “Graves had been watching me all that time, every move I made. He'd been there. He'd seen us training, seen the hushed conversations we had. He'd also seen me every time I went into your quarters.”
I visibly shiver at the thought of Graves watching us both so intrusively this whole time, I don’t even want to ask anything more of that, it's enough to unsettle me for a lifetime. “He'd also let it slip when he asked Volokov to get me. How it all wove together. Graves knew I wouldn't talk if he captured me, but once they told me about what they'd do to you, that was his leverage for me to give up everything to him. Whether I did or not, it wasn't going to stop him going ahead with his plan. Withme out of the picture, no one would have been able to protect you.”
He shuffles on the bed to take my hands in his, his grip tight enough to stop my mind drifting to a dark place. “I never meant to hurt you Brodie, ever. I thought I was doing the best for you. If I could work with Volokov, it meant I could keep an eye on him and work to bring Graves down, get the threat away from you. When I found out he was the commander of your unit, we got Hawk in there as soon as we could. He would keep an eye on you both and protect you. It doesn’t excuse a thing I did or make some of the shit I've done right.” His throat bobs, like it's trying to clear the emotion of his words. “That night when you came into the club, I knew immediately it was you with the way you walked, the way you held yourself. Even with the fucking wig. The grace of an exotic feline, strolling through the lion's den on her own without an ounce of fear of the men who eyed her.” I look down at our joined hands, zoning in on the inked ones I've committed to memory, knowing the exact outlining of each design, the way they rise over the muscular veins in his tendons all the way up his forearms, clutching onto me like if he lets go, I'll disappear.
“I wanted nothing more to take you in my arms and get the fuck out of there, but I couldn't, I had to push you away. I couldn't risk you getting close, especially with Graves sniffing around, he'd have acted out. And with his relationship becoming more strained with Volokov over the last few weeks, I wouldn't have been able to predict what he'd do.” My watery eyes drag up him, taking in the rest of his tatted skin, settling on his neck before moving up to his eyes. “I love you Brodie. I always did. You were in the forefront of my mind. Every. Single. Day. How I never got the chance to tell you. And I’m so fucking sorry I left you. That I did what I thought was right to protect you, I wish it wasn't how it had to be.”
My tears lose their battle with my eyes, one after the other, they roll down my cheeks, Noc becoming a blurry image before me as his words keep repeating themselves in my mind. I squeeze his hands, my voice thick with emotion as I try not to let the sob break my words. “I love you Noc, I never stopped. Even when I had a gun to your head,” I choke a laugh through the tears. “I couldn't pull the trigger. I wouldn't have been able to live with myself if I did, even if I'd never known the truth.”
His shoulders slump, tension finally uncoiling after holding him rigid throughout our entire conversation. For over five years, all these words have remained buried, unspoken. I never thought I’d get the chance to hear them, never thought I’d get the chance forthis. And every time I remember how close I came to killing him, a bone-chilling dread sinks into me, deep and unforgiving. I move across the bed, straddling him as my arms wrap tight around his neck. His hands find my waist, pulling me in with a force that feels like something between desperation and relief. A violent breath shudders out of him, blowing my hair back, and I hold on. Pressing myself into him as if we can erase the time lost between us.
We clutch each other as though survival depends on it, bodies locked and unwilling to move, except for the slow, steady rhythm as he rocks me back and forth. My silent tears slip onto his shoulder, soaking into the fabric between us. I don’t know how long we stay like this, lost in the moment. All I know is - I don’t want to let him go. This embrace feels like an apology for all the years stolen.
When I feel steady enough, I manage to pull myself back from him. A thought darts into my head and my mouth runs with it first before my brain even comprehends if it’s worth it. “What about your girlfriend, Natalia?” I hope that bitch is too busy trying to find a plastic surgeon to wonder where Noc is, butthe devious side of me would love for her to know he's with me. Petty? Don’t care.
I feel his chest rumble against mine. “You are jealous, aren't you? I knew it when you hit her in the club, a little more force than necessary after you already shot her.”
I roll my eyes. “She fucking shot me first Noc, she's lucky I didn't put one in between her goddamn eyes.” My voice hitches a notch, and that makes him throw his head back and laugh, but not me. My frown is so deep that I’m surprised my eyebrows aren’t touching my nose.
“Didn't deny it though, did you?” I shove him as he picks me up and throws me up the bed, crawling over me so his body cages me between his arms. “She's Volokov’s sister. I had no feelings for her - none. I used her for information to survive, that’s it.” I wriggle under his admission. Hell I'd tell this man anything he wanted me to, so I can't blame her for falling into that trap.
“I don't like her, especially after you've told me that. Stay away from her.” I internally cringe at myself for just demanding him of that, we're not even together. Only just connected again, and everything is still so new, we'll need to learn to build up trust again, no matter how familiar these moments feel together.
“Well, well. Look at you barking out fucking demands at me like you’re in charge here.” That smirk of his is downright sinful. His legs are in between my thighs, and he lowers himself just an inch, but the smallest amount of contact lights a flame in me, and I can already feel myself getting wet.
His pupils dilate as he watches me, he lowers himself again so he's leaning his bodyweight on me. He grinds himself against me, making my breathing hitch. Lowering himself to his elbows, my hands instinctively roam up his torso, careful to watch his wound, but I don’t even think he would notice. My hands clasp onto his shoulders whilst he lowers his lips to mine. Our kiss is fervent, desperate. It’s the same way he kissed me the day he left.Savoring this small moment we have together, and I pray this one isn't our last.
My hands move under his arms as I feel a little insidious streak still wandering inside me, I drag my nails along his good side, feeling his smile against my lips. “Stop thinking about her.” His low laugh is wicked, and I hate that he knows me so well, even after all this time.
“I hate that she's touched you.” I whisper, shamelessly admitting that aloud, but if we're going to trust one another, I may as well get this out of my system.
He trails kisses along my cheek, going painfully slow as he reaches behind my ear and travels down my neck, my eyes fluttering closed as he speaks, his voice filled with smoke. “'Would it make you feel better, if I told you that anytime she touched me, I had to imagine it was you?” Oh god, that shouldn't twist my core in the way it does. I really need my head checked, because that just sent a thrill through me.
“Maybe,” I whisper as I get lost in the feeling of his lips teasing and nipping the sensitive skin on my neck.
He drags himself away, leaning over me. My eyes meet his challenge. “No one else matters now, Malyshka. It's just you and me. You're mine, and I’m yours. And if I need to make her skin into a new coat for you to prove myself, then I’ll add tailor to my resume.” His words seem to snap any restraint I was trying to keep together inside me, the worries of the blonde evaporating. I yank the collar of his shirt, pulling him in as our lips crash together, and it's intense. It sets off a reaction in him, making his hips grind forcefully against me. But it’s not enough. He leans up and pulls my t-shirt over my head, and he does thatthingthat would fire the heat in my core - he yanks his shirt over his head with one hand.
His abs ripple with the smallest of shifts, it's mesmerizing. I run my fingertips down them as he slowly undoes his cargos.The blistering heat from his stare enflames my skin as I watch his movements, the fact the veins are prominent in his hands just adds to his whole allure, making me feel feral. Someone undressing like this shouldn't get me so worked up, but it's down to him. He makes most mundane tasks look hypnotic. He's down to his boxers as he helps me undo my own cargos. I can’t even feel bad about not returning the favor, I was too busy enjoying his performance.
We're completely naked now that I've also shed my underwear, and the skin-on-skin contact sends goosebumps all over my body. It’s so intense they’ve spread from my skin to his, instinct has me gliding my hands up and down his forearms to ease them. His fingers curl around my chin, his thumb traces along my jaw towards my mouth. I stick my tongue out to wrap it around, pulling it to me, my lips capturing it as I suck and twirl to tease him. “Fuck, Brodie.” Noc's voice is just above a whisper as he watches me, his eyes completely entranced as I feel the head of cock slowly glide into me. I let him in with ease because I'm fucking soaked for him right now.
His face is engraved with desire. It almost looks like he's in pain, that he's struggling to keep up his painfully slow rhythm, but he's so lost in what I'm doing, that he can’t look away, like he's scared to miss it. “I can't wait for those lips to be wrapped around my cock.” He tugs his hand away to lock his lips with mine, I wrap my hands in his hair and pull - hard. I know he loves that; any time I do it, it earns me a feral growl from deep inside him, awakening the beast that lurks within.
He continues to move slowly, but each time he hits my cervix, he stays there for a beat, grinding against me before he pulls almost all the way out, then repeats. It’s destroying me in the best fucking way, making me moan his name into his neck. I'm fighting hard to be quiet. I don't know how soundproof thisroom is, and I don’t exactly want everyone to hear, even though they probably already know.
And just like someone's heard I need the theory tested, right at the point I can feel my orgasm ascending, there is a knock at the door as Phantom's voice filters through the room. Neither of us answer, still lost in one another, but Noc picks up his pace ever so slightly. He leans up, eyes locked with mine, his jaw slack but there's a mischievous smile edging the corners.
Ohhellno. He's picking up his pace to get me to scream so Phantom can hear me. I throw my hand over my mouth, but he pins both my hands above my head, sealing them in his vice like grip. An outright devilish look is all over his face as he slams into me. The only noise is our loud breathing and slick skin slapping together. He hits my g-spot so intensely, I have to bite my bottom lip to stop myself from crying out.
My eyes are watering at the pain and pleasure mixing as the perfect concoction. “Guys!'” Phantom shouts again, I don’t even know what he said the first time he knocked.
“Gimme a sec,” I manage to reply, my voice sounding like a porn star, so needy as it mixes with my pants and moans. Noc speaks at the same time as me, though his, “Fuck off” is less pleasant than I tried to be. My orgasm erupts through me and he slams his hand over my mouth, muffling my cry. I can feel him pulsing against my inner walls, coming undone with me. I'm a sweating, breathless mess underneath him as he leans down to kiss my tear-streaked face.
“Good girl. Only I get to hear you cum.”
