Page 60 of Casper
Codie released a heavy sigh as she pulled the SUV away from the curb. “The Graveyard Kings are their own worst enemies sometimes I think. They’re so used to being in control. Bending others to their will. They don’t know how to handle it when something doesn’t go their way.”
“I think it goes deeper than that. I think it started a long time ago for Casper. When he survived the accident that killed his parents.” Finding a tissue in the glove box, I dried my face and blew my nose.
“Some kind of survivor’s guilt.” Codie nodded. “Poor Casper. The good ones really don’t know how good they are.”
“He really doesn’t.”
A light snowfall began as we made our way to the hospital. Soft flakes that drifted down, lit up by the street lights. It would’ve been pretty if the situation hadn’t been so fucking bleak.
Arriving back at the hospital felt like going in circles. I never wanted to see this place again. Inside we found the rest of the Graveyard Kings along with Storm. They stood in a group near the waiting area.
“They’re working on him now,” Stray said, sliding his arm around Codie, pulling her close.
I nodded, appreciating the way Storm immediately took my hand. A mess of emotion twisted up my insides. The moreI thought about what Casper had done, the more my stomach hurt. The pain became nausea, and soon I had to pull away from Storm, running for the closest restroom.
I threw up until my body had nothing left. After splashing some cold water on my face and rinsing my mouth, I stared at myself in the mirror. I still looked like me. I didn’t feel like me. Is that how Casper had felt?
For him to do what he’d done, he must have felt like he was out of options. Like it was the only way. My heart broke for him. At the same time I was filled with fury. How could he leave me that way? Without so much as a fucking goodbye. We’d only recently found one another and just like that he was going to bail out? How could he do this to me?
When I emerged from the restroom, I found Codie and Storm waiting right outside the door. Storm offered me a piece of mint gum which I gratefully accepted.
“He’s going to be all right, Luna,” she said. “He needs help and time. You both do.”
I let them guide me back to the waiting room where the three of us sat together while the guys talked amongst themselves down the hall. Having no voice, no strength, I simply sat there in silence. My two dear friends were kind enough to sit quietly with me, offering their silent support. I was truly lucky to have them.
Two hours passed before they came and told us that Casper was unconscious but would be fine. They’d pumped what they could from his stomach. He was on IV fluids and had been given something to counteract the effects of the pills. He likely wouldn’t wake up until sometime tomorrow. I refused to leave.
The girls offered to wait with me. I told everyone else to go home. That I would update them as soon as Casper woke up. There was no point in everyone sitting there all night. They might as well go home to their beds.
They were reluctant to leave, especially Dominik. He’d been the one to find Casper unresponsive in his room. Even though I didn’t know Dom that well, I pulled him into a hug.
“Thank you for finding him,” I said, trying not to cry again.
“I had a feeling that I needed to check on him. He seemed off when I brought him home. Like something wasn’t right.” Dom hugged me back gently, like he was afraid to touch me too much. Everyone had been treating me that way. “Call me as soon as he wakes up. I’ll come right back.”
Dominik trusting his instincts had saved Casper’s life. I hoped Casper realized how lucky he was to have such amazing friends. We were all in this together. Like a big family. We all needed one another in times like this.
For hours I dozed on and off in the waiting room. Every now and then something would jolt me awake. A sound or a memory. I made a halfhearted attempt to eat a granola bar from the vending machine. My stomach wasn’t having it. I settled for sipping water instead.
It was almost noon the following day when they finally told me Casper was awake. I could see him now. Standing up made the room around me momentarily spin. I sucked in a deep breath, steeling myself. I was afraid to see him. Afraid of having the discussion we were about to have.
I followed the nurse to Casper’s room, waiting until she disappeared down the hall before I entered. I expected to feel something. Anger. Sadness. Confusion. Instead I felt only numb.
Pushing the door open, I entered the room. Casper lay in the bed, staring out the window. His hair was disheveled, heavy stubble forming on his jaw. His skin was whiter than it had been the night he was shot. Truthfully, he looked like hell.
I knew that he’d heard me enter. Still, he didn’t look in my direction. Maybe it was better that way. Meeting his eyes might break me apart completely.
Opening my mouth to speak, I found myself at a loss for words. There were so many things I had to say. I wasn’t sure what to give voice to first.
“How could you do this, Casper?” I blurted. “How could you leave me behind?”
Making this about me wasn’t how I wanted to approach this sensitive topic. Standing there, looking at him in the hospital bed again, I found it impossible to hold back. The numbness gave way to an explosion of emotion.
“The only reason I’m able to get up every day and face what Jace did to me is because of you,” I continued, my voice rising along with my temper. “Because of the strength you give me. I know that I don’t understand everything going on with you, but you could have talked to me. To Dom. To anyone. Instead, you decided to bail out and leave me to face this hell without you. Was I not enough to keep you here? Is what we have not enough for you to stay?”
With every word my voice grew weaker until I dissolved into sobs. Overwhelmed by the immense weight of it all, I collapsed to the floor beside his bed, crying my heart out.
Casper not only turned to look at me, he leapt out of the bed, falling to the floor in front of me. Stretching his IV cord. His arms went around me, pulling me tight against him. I clung to him, needing to memorize every detail. Knowing how close I’d come to losing it all.
