Page 63 of Casper
I held up both hands, shaking my head. “Don’t put that kind of responsibility on me, girl. That’s between you and your credit card.”
Being out with the girls had done wonders to lighten my mood. For a while I’d been able to leave everything behind. What happened with Jace was getting easier to forget. It would always be part of my past, but I wouldn’t let it define me. I refused to let that sick fuck have any power over me from the grave.
Unfortunately, I couldn’t say the same for Casper. Every time I tried to initiate sex, he backed off. My therapist told me everyone’s reaction to an assault like that was different. Some people feared touch and intimacy. Others craved it. Even though Casper hadn’t been the one to experience the assault, it still affected him.
I wanted to be with him. To know that he was the last man to claim my body. Even though that meant so damn much to me, I knew that I couldn’t force him. He would never force me. Seeing him so broken up over the whole thing was actually really sweet.
“Since we’re here anyway, I think I’m going to treat myself to this cute as fuck dress.” Codie practically danced over to where Athena and I stood, holding her precious find like a trophy.
Athena eyed up the strapless silver dress and chuckled. “Because you don’t already have enough dresses. Have you even worn the last one you bought?”
Codie mimed zipping her lips shut. “Never mind. This one is practically calling my name.”
After everyone had finished their shopping, we decided to grab lunch at a restaurant in the mall. Listening to the girls joke and laugh was the medicine I didn’t know I needed. We always had a good time together. We needed to do this more often.
“So how is everyone doing?” Ripley asked after we all placed our food orders. She sipped from her iced tea, glancing around the table at everyone. “Any juicy gossip to share or problems to bring to the table?”
She seemed to be reading my mind. I nodded. “Actually, yeah. I have something I need to vent about a little. Maybe get some advice.”
Ripley motioned for me to continue. “Of course. Go ahead, Luna. Hit us with it.”
I glanced around to make sure nobody at the nearby tables was paying attention to our conversation. Absently stirring sugar into my coffee, I said, “Casper and I haven’t had sex since the incident. I think he’s afraid to do it. He’s struggling more with my assault than I am.”
The girls were quiet at first, considering my statement. Storm was the first to respond.
“That’s actually kind of adorable,” she said. “Don’t get me wrong. I’m sorry either of you are suffering. That never should’ve happened. That being said, it shows how much he loves you.”
“Agreed.” Codie reached across the table to pat my hand. “For a guy who’s so easily able to hurt people as part of his job, he has the biggest heart of anyone I’ve ever known. Don’t tell Stray I said that.”
We shared a smile at that. Codie had worked hard to learn sign language for Casper. Because he meant so much to Stray, he meant so much to her as well. And now with me in the mix, she was more determined than ever to make us all a happy little family.
“I told him that I am ready. I want to do it. He’s the one holding back.” Staring into my coffee, I stirred the sugar for longer than needed.
“Maybe you’re not ready,” Ripley said. “Maybe Casper can sense something you’re not aware of. How has your mental state been since everything happened?”
I had to think about that for a moment. “Better now. The first few weeks were hard. I’m starting to sleep better. I finally have an appetite again. All I want is for my life to get back to normal. Maybe it’s easier for me to move forward because I’ve already been through this with Jace in the past.”
Twisting her long brown ponytail in one hand, Athena nodded. “That’s possible. Casper will come around. He doesn’t want to hurt you. That’s sweet as fuck.”
“That’s part of the problem,” I muttered. “Sometimes all I want is for him to hurt me.”
My cheeks grew warm as I realized what I just said. Averting my gaze, I stared into my coffee mug while taking a large swallow.
Codie giggled. “No need to be embarrassed. I completely understand.”
“Me too,” Storm said with a grin. “I can’t imagine what Rebel would do if we were in the same situation. Even though I don’t know Casper all that well, I can guarantee that he only wants what’s best for you. Give him some time.”
“Or you could take matters into your own hands,” Athena suggested, a wicked glint in her eyes. “Seduce that man. Remind him what it is you’re both missing.”
Ripley frowned, stirring the ice cubes in her drink with the straw so they clinked against the glass. “Take it slow the first time. Make sure you’re both on the same page. I think it’s important for you to do this together.”
As my friends gave their advice and opinions, I took it all to heart. Even though they meant well, I knew only Casper and I would be able to navigate this issue. However, I appreciatedtheir feedback. It felt good to talk about it with someone other than Casper. Someone outside the situation.
When the conversation turned to Athena’s latest boy toy, I pulled out my phone and texted Casper.I miss you.
His reply came quickly.I miss you too, flower. Dinner tonight? We can go to my place. I’ll cook for you. Anything you want.
There was nothing about this man that I didn’t love. Maybe it would take some time for us to get back on track. I was in this for the long haul. I could wait.
