Page 40 of Not Falling for the Forward
As if he senses what I am thinking about, Jack’s body goes taught next to mine, his eyes locked on me. Heat creeps its way up my neck and across my chest at that gaze, so intense it’s burning. He leans in closer so our knees are touching, the heat from the pressure there almost scalding. His big hand lands on my thigh sending electricity straight up my leg to my core and a small gasp leaves my throat.
“I really like you, Em.” His voice is low in my ears.
I open my mouth, but nothing comes out.
Do I want to agree? Do I like him too? God, what are we twelve? Trying to decide who likes who in the playground. Before I can think of a reply Jack starts again, “I think we should talk about the other week, at the bar, the kids.”
“Oh,” is all I manage.
“I know it bothered you when those kids took our picture, and I wanted to talk about it because it happens to me regularly and I want to know where we stand with those things.”
Wooooow… So, he is good at communicating too.Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. I’m in trouble.
I take a sip of my coffee, buying myself time to decide what I want to say, my eyes follow the cup down to where I rest it in my hands on my lap. I swirl the left-over contents around in circles, the brown coffee mixing with the white froth.
I could lie. I could tell him how I was just surprised and don’t really care. We could carry on seeing each other in public and I could get overwhelmed with the attention pretending it didn’t matter. But deep down I would be unhappy, and I don’t want another relationship where I am unhappy. Not that this is a relationship.
I finally look up, blazing blue eyes meet mine. “Yeah,” I sigh, pulling a long, deep breath through my nose. “I’m not going to lie, that did freak me out a little bit.” He just nods and waits, never taking his eyes off me, I can’t help but continue because I want to fill the silence, but I also feel like I need to explain. “It was weird. Who takes pictures of people kissing? Gross.”
I huff an uncomfortable laugh and switch my attention back to fiddling with my cup, it’s easier not to stare at those eyes whilst I speak. “And, well, you already know I’ve seen a lot of stuff about you online and I know, you shouldn’t believe everything, but I couldn’t help but think I was going to end up with my face on one of those trashy sites for the whole world to see! Then everyone would be calling me your latest conquest, or whatever and, yeah, it freaked me out.”
I finish and look back up. Jack’s eyes haven’t left my face both understanding and pain in them. A small crease has formed between his brows, my hand twitches to be allowed to reach out and to soften it with my thumb. The need to explain myself is overwhelming. “I’ve just... I’ve always been weird about people knowing my business, I like my life to be private. I let very few people in because I’ve seen what happens first hand when you let people all the way in—you forget to feed your children when they leave.
“The more people that know, the worse it is when you inevitably break-up, and then everyone you know looks at you with that sad sympathy in their eyes and that half head tilt.” I tilt my head to demonstrate, then continue. “Your life is under a microscope and that freakedme out. If I’m going to get my heart broken again, I’d really like to do it in private. I can’t take the whole world laughing at me.” I speak quickly this time, not wanting to say the words but hoping if I do, he might understand.
His eyes widen and lips part slightly as if something has clicked in his brain, “So, you’re not ashamed to be seen with me?”
A loud laugh leaves my mouth before I realise he’s serious, “Christ no, look at you! You’re gorgeous, rich and successful. Way out of my league. If people found out I tried to date you, they wouldn’t just look at me with sympathy, there would then be the ‘well, do you blame him’ and ‘did she really think she could keep someone like that’,” I mimic in another voice. Going back to normal I add, “And well, after everything with Chris, I really don’t think I can take that again. Fuck, I mean, I couldn’t even convince a guy not to bang his accountant co-worker, how would I ever convince someone like you not to fuck to a model you’re working with.”
I look up again, my rant finally over. One of Jack’s eyebrows is raised, a small smirk on his lips, “There’s a lot to unpack there…” he teases.
“Yes. Well, you said the other day all that we should be honest with each other so there.” I cross my arms over my chest and lean back, the sofa cushions swallowing me. Maybe if I lean back far enough, I will just become one with the sofa and my admission won’t be so out there.
“I appreciate the honesty, because now I know what we can work on. If I can promise to work around all the press, find private places for us to go, will you consider letting me take you on a few more dates?” he asks.
“You still want to take me out after that meltdown?”
“Was that a meltdown? We really should find out what the hell my sister suffers from when she has hers, because compared to that sheis basically possessed.” Jack grins but turns his head over his shoulder towards where a couple sit closely at the bar. He tenses but turns back around, ignoring them and I’m about to ask who they are when he takes one of my hands in his.
“Listen,” he says leaning closer to me. “The press are a big part of my life. I hate how much they love to make up a story and I am sorry that you were caught up in that. People will try it on like that with sneaky pictures of me and whoever I am with because it’s quick money. It’s an unfortunate reality of my job. I have made a lot of money from it, but that comes with a price.” He sighs and runs his hand through his hair, he looks as if what he is about to say next physically hurts. “I like to keep my private life private and as much as I can, I will. But. Fuck, I don’t want to say this. But if the press is a hard boundary for you then we shouldn’t see each other again. I like private, but that doesn’t mean secret. If we decide to date, and that goes well, and you end up as my girlfriend, I will be telling people about you. We will end up being photographed together, be that when we want or by accident, the press are too all over me for it not to happen.”
My heart sinks into my stomach at the thought of not seeing Jack again, only for it to flutter back to life when he calls out the possibility of me being his girlfriend.Get it together Emily, you’ve been on one date.
I am captivated by him as he continues. “Yes, I am rich, and famous, and gorgeous.” He winks. “But you are smart, and funny and you have the biggest heart.” He drops his voice to say, “And your tits are fucking delectable.” I roll my eyes with a small smirk. Back to normal levels he says, “You’re the most beautiful person both inside and out and I am going to want to brag about that. Fuckmebeing out ofyourleague, you’re in a whole other division.”
He cups my chin between his finger and thumb, so I have no choice but to stare into his eyes as he leans in and cockily says, “And I’vefucked more than enough models for anyone’s lifetime, I’m more in to nurses now.” I openly gape at him and his mouth curves into a grin at my outrage.
I push him away laughing at his audacity.
He gives me space to process, and we sit for a time in silence, my thoughts cycling through what he has just said. He doesn’t like the press, but it’s part of his job and what he signed up for. It’s crap but it’s something I have to accept. He has fucked countless models, but he still finds me attractive enough to want to brag about.Baffling.
I sigh and open my mouth to speak, but he beats me to it, “Look, I’m not saying decide now. I know there is a lot of shit that comes with dating me.” He shrugs. “But, if you’ll let me, I’d like to take you out again, maybe a few times. If you’re up for that?” His smile is hopeful, his eyes glistening.
A small kindle of something that feels like possibility ignites in my chest. I search his bright eyes for something to tell me to say no, that he’s a liar, he doesn’t mean it and he is going to hurt me. All I see staring back at me is this kind, gorgeous, selfless man, hoping that I will say yes.
My head bobs up and down in a nod almost against my will, “The next date better be somewhere fancy.” I tease.
He grins and leans in, as if he wants to kiss me and I pull my head back, aware of all the people around us. An idea forms in my head, put there by my devious best friend. “Is there anywhere we can talk in private?” I ask.
