Page 31 of Not Falling for the Forward
Maybe, if we could keep it secret, I would see him again.
“Please, he’ll only be a hook up, anyway. If it even gets that far. I doubt I’ll even see him again. He’s barley messaged this week.”
“Hmmm… You could message him?” she suggests.
“Jess, are you pushing me towards a man?”
“Purely research purposes only. I need to know if his dick is really tattooed.” I bark a laugh. “Look, you never talk about guys. I have heard about Jack on multiple occasions. Clearly you feel something?”
“What if it’s just lust?”
“Then fuck him and get it out of your system!”
“I feel bad about using him like that,” I admit.
“Why? You’re a bombshell. Lucky him getting to put it in you.”
“Ew.”
She grins through my phone screen, “Just promise me one thing?” I lift a brow, waiting for her request. “At least get him to send you a dick pic. INEEDto know!!” I bark a laugh.
I finish my call with Jess after more bashing of my mother and talk of whether Jack’s penis really is tattooed. It is basically a public service now that I find out.
What my mum said about being a coward has been playing over in my head. I pick up my phone and look at the message thread Jack and I have shared. He’s asked me so many questions, like he really is tryingto get to know me. Then, after my admission about not being over Chris yet, he’s given me space to sort out what’s going on in my head.
I don’t know if I’m feeling brave yet. But Jack has shown already that he is, or at least, he wants to be. So, if he is willing to try for me, the least I can do is try for him.
With a sigh, I hit the call button next to his name.
Chapter thirteen
Emily
Sometimes my job is the best job anyone could ask for. I get to take care of those that need me most. I get to watch little people overcome enormous problems. I get to see them leave with maybe a different life, but a life they get to live.
Days like today, though, it’s the worst job I could ever imagine having.
We lost a patient.
Twelve years old.
Spontaneous respiratory arrest that led to cardiac arrest.
We weren’t quick enough.
My phone rings, making me jump and I blink out of the blank stare I have been honing for the past thirty minutes. It’s Jack. I haven’t spoken to him all day. It’s the first day since I decided to call him a week ago, where I haven’t at least messaged him once. I don’t like texting him when I get up for work because I don’t want to wake him up, so I usually wait until my first break, but not today. His three messages from the day have sat on my phone, unopened and unanswered.
The call rings out and my phone starts ringing again, almost immediately. I sigh and answer the call, attempting to sound happy that he’s calling. “Hi,” I croak.
“Hey, busy day?” I don’t know why, but the sound of his warm voice snaps the last string of control I have on my emotions, and a sob escapes my lips.
“Em, what’s wrong?” Jack is all business. He sounds both worried and ready to defend me against what has caused me to cry. Only he can’t. Not from this.
“Sorry—I…” I sniffle as I try to catch my breath. Hot tears are racing down my cheeks and now the flow has started, I’m not sure I can turn them off. Another sob leaves my throat quicker than I can catch it and when my shoulders start to shake, I know I have lost the fight.
“Shhhh,” he soothes on the other end of the line. “It’s okay, just breathe.” I heave air into my lungs, knowing my sobs have often gotten out of control and caused panic attacks in the past. I do not want one of those sat on my own in the work car park. Not again.
We sit on the phone for what feels like an hour, but I know is probably minutes at most, me just quietly crying whilst Jack offers me soothing words. I finally pull myself together enough to say, “I’m sorry, today has just been awful.”
