Page 49 of Not Falling for the Forward
Her brow furrows, “What do you want me to think?”
“I want you to know it’s not just sex for me. Not anymore. That’s not all I want from you.” I take her hands in mine. “I want this to be the start of something.”
“The start of what?” Her voice sounds hollow.
She won’t meet my eyes and I reach for her face to turn it towards me, but she flinches back from my touch. “Em, look at me please.” She lifts her head, and I am met with the unmistakable glimmer of fear.
“What exactly is this the start of, Jack?” she whispers.
“A relationship?” It comes out as a question because I don’t know. I’ve never done this before. And now, with her looking at me like this, like that is the last thing she ever wanted, I can’t help but question if that is the direction we are going in.
She drops my hands and reaches for her bag under the table. “No.”
“What?”
“I said no, Jack.”
“Em.”
She stands, looking down at me. Her expression melted of fear and turned into something worse. Pity. “That’s not what this is, Jack. It never has been. I have just got out of a relationship. I’m sorry if I made you feel like this could be anything more. But it’s not.”
I run hand through my hair, “What do you mean?”
“You were supposed to be a rebound, Jack. I think we’ve both gotten mixed up with what this is.”
Well, that stung like a fucking slap.
I guess that’s all most people think of me though isn’t it. Just a footballer that fucks around and never stays. But no. I’m not taking that from her. Why would she agree to being exclusive with me? Why would she swap shifts just to see me? If that’s all we were.
We have been enjoying spending time together, she has told me that herself.
“You don’t mean that. You’re pushing me away.” I saw the look on her face before the anger, it was fear. She is scared of letting me in. She starts to walk away, and I grip her arm and pull her around to face me.
She stares down at where my hand surrounds her forearm. “I would like to go home now.”
Chapter twenty-two
Jack
We are silent on the way back to her house. The tension in the car thick enough to cut through with a knife.
How did I fuck this up again?
How is this the second time I have driven her home in silence?
Maybe I should start letting her drive herself places to meet me, that way she won’t have to suffer through uncomfortable journeys like this. Ha. Like she’s ever going to see me again after today.
I didn't do anything wrong. I just told her how I felt. That I wanted a relationship with her. I have always been someone who isn’t afraid to say how they feel. I was brought up saying I love you to my mum and dad every time we left the house. Feelings are not an issue I have.
The person I am starting to get feelings for however… Shit, that’s what it is isn’t it. I have feelings for this woman.
A rebound. That’s what she’d called this. Me. I don’t buy it.
I pull up on to Emily’s drive and switch off my engine. Turning to her, I notice silver pooling in her eyes, she’s fighting back tears. Her knuckles are white where she is clutching her house keys. A small muscle ticks in her jaw, as if she is physically fighting to hold back whatever she is feeling.
“Em, please,” I beg. “Talk to me.” It comes out as a soft whisper.
She risks a slight look in my direction, just the movement of her eyes. It’s enough to break my heart. The pain I see in them is too much for one person to hold. I reach out a hand to but before I make contact, she shifts her legs left, out of my reach. Noted.
