Page 35 of Undone
And then he started talking.
He told Jon everything. Well, almost everything. He left the explicit details out. There were some things he didn’t feel like sharing with his friend. It felt private. Just his.
“Ant...” Jon said when he finished. His brows were drawn together. “You do realize how fucked up it is, right?”
Anthony shot him an annoyed glare. “Yes. That’s why I’m telling you. So you can help me stop.”
Jon fixed him with a long, probing look. “If he’s pulling at your alpha instincts, there’s very little I can do to make you stop. You’d nod and tell me I’m right—and go fuck him up again. You know how it works.” His expression became pinched. “Did you talk to him? What does he think?”
“What do you think?” Anthony snapped. “He isn’t happy with the situation. He’s an alpha too. Would you be happy if you suddenly started being all putty for another alpha?”
Jon made a face. “Right.”
Silence fell between them.
“So you want to fuck him?”
“I already have,” Anthony said, his stomach knotting up. “That’s the problem.”
“I’m not talking about your artificial rut on Belith. Neither of you bears responsibility for what happened there. I’m talking about now. Do you want to fuck him? For real?”
Anthony grimaced, because he didn’t even have to think about it. “Yes.”
Jon heaved a sigh, looking at him with something like pity. “A relationship with another alpha can’t work long-term. You know that, right?”
“Of course,” he bit off. Of course he knew that. It was basic biology. Alphas couldn’t stay in one another’s presence for long without coming to blows; it was a matter of territorial instinct. Anthony knew that better than anyone. He’d left his home when he was sixteen because he couldn’t stand being around his alpha mother after his presentation—their relationship had become beyond toxic, no matter how much he’d used to love her. Anthony couldn’t even blame her. It was him. For the first three decades of his life, Jon had been the only alpha he’d gotten along well with, and even then, they’d befriended each other when they’d been on strong suppressants during the war. Other alphas had always aggravated him.
But then came Michael, with his warm smiles and honest eyes. He was the only alpha Anthony had ever chosen to be around voluntarily, the only alpha whose pheromones didn’t aggravate him too much. Anthony had been surprised—and relieved—that he’d managed to keep his friendship with Michael from becoming toxic for years. But that goddamn trip to Belith had fucked everything up.
“It doesn’t matter,” Anthony said. “It’s just physical. I just want to fuck him. And fuck him up. I don’t want anything long-term besides our friendship.”
The pitying expression in Jon’s eyes was still there. “You really think your friendship will survive this?”
Anthony grimaced again, looking down at his drink. Fuck, he needed something stronger.
“I don’t know,” he said roughly. “But I don’t think I can stop. I want—I need to fuck him.”
“Is it that bad?” Jon said.
Anthony laughed humorlessly. “How do you think I spent my last rut?”
Raising an eyebrow, Jon gave him a bemused look. “With a willing, beautiful omega, I presume?”
“Oh yes,” Anthony said, his lips curling derisively. “He was beyond beautiful. Taller than most omegas. Dark gold hair. Pretty dark eyes. Pink, full mouth. He was practically a Michael knockoff, just without a knot.”
The look Jon gave him was heavy with disapproval. “You seriously fucked his lookalike during your rut?”
Anthony let out a laugh. “I wish I fucked him. I sent him away.” He’d taken one look at the beautiful omega companion, who could have been mistaken for Michael at a glance—and felt sick to his stomach. The omega was beautiful, but the differences were too grating. Too irritating. His neck was too fragile, his fingers too slim. Even his sweet scent rubbed Anthony the wrong way. That was how he had found himself spending his rut fucking his fist and imagining that it was Michael’s strong hand,Michael’s wet, pretty mouth—then he’d graduated to imagining fucking the other alpha’s asshole, imagining what it looked like, how tight it would be (had been) around his knot. He’d imagined wrecking Michael with his cock, making him sob from how good Anthony’s knot felt inside him.
It had been the worst rut he’d ever experienced.
By the time it was finally over, Anthony had felt mentally exhausted from how hard he’d tried—and failed—to rein his thoughts in.
In hindsight, what happened at the ball wasn’t surprising in the least. He had been too worked up after spending his entire rut imagining fucking Michael in every possible position. Watching Michael dance with that little omega and ignorehimhadn’t exactly improved his mood. Truth be told, he’d never liked being ignored by Michael. But after that rut, it had been even more aggravating than usual.
“What are you going to do?” Jon said.
Running a hand through his hair, Anthony sighed. “I’ll talk to him. We need to figure it out. It can’t go on like this.”
