Page 64 of ILY
But instead, here I am. Alone. And it’s fine.
Me being gone means he’ll have time to rest, and I’ll have time to prove that for however long he sticks around, I can make what we have together very, very fun.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
THORNE
There’snothing I hate more than when stress overwhelms me. I just had the literal best sex of my life, and now I’m relegated to Leaf’s bed with my ears buzzing, my hearing mostly gone, and my eyes dancing back and forth so hard the world feels like it’s sideways. I was supposed to be cuddling with him, maybe trading lazy hand jobs, then fixing each other lunch and making out a little more.
Not this. Not me heaving my guts up in front of him, then curling into bed like a whimpering baby. But it is what it is, and if he actually wants me, he’s going to have to accept that this comes with me. There are no cures and no real treatments.
Just hope, prayer, washcloths, and barf bags.
Luckily, this one doesn’t take me out at the knees all day long. Leaf headed out just as my world mostly stopped spinning, and I let myself sleep off the rest of the fatigue. I don’t know how long I’ve been out when I wake up, but the world is finally still.
My ears still feel stuffy, like someone put Styrofoam inside of them, and for a moment, I let myself hear it. Or, well, not hear it. No, I just experience it. The deafness. The pressing silence that will someday become my full-time reality.
Honestly, it’s not all that bad. I’m still a little afraid, but having worked so closely with Denver and realizing I can still be myself helps. Maybe not FBI agent me, but I don’t have to entirely abandon what I’m good at.
Recently, I’ve been thinking that when I turn in my badge, there’s the option of becoming a private investigator. Most of that job is looking for cheating spouses, but considering my work on the dark web, I can definitely manage the tech. And on the good days when I can sink my teeth into a real case, it won’t feel like I’ve lost everything I’ve worked toward.
I set that aside for the moment. It’s something to think about later when reality sets back in. For now, I can have this. I can be in this little farmhouse with Leaf and ignore the weight of my responsibilities and my future.
At least, until my boss drags me back to my desk. Which will probably be soon.
Rolling up to sit, I grab the ice pack and push myself to my feet. I wander downstairs to the kitchen and grab myself some ice-cold water, gulping it down slowly as I glance outside at the overcast skies.
I wonder where Leaf went. Wonder what Michael is doing.
I check my phone and see that Leaf has sent me a picture. It’s one of him in a class, his face slightly red and sweaty.
Leaf: Working out my abs just for you, boo.
His silly message makes me grin, moving around some boxes to go outside. But then I stop, setting my phone and cup down.
My hand flicks a cardboard box top off, and dust filters through the air in the dimming sunlight.
I peer inside and see a collection of rubber bands and staplers staring up at me.
I lean a little closer and shake my head. God, this lady really did hoard everything. I pick up a rubber band, and it disintegrates in my fingers. Wishing I had my crime scene gloves, I paw around, but most of what’s under the ancient office supplies is what looks to be repair orders and…oh.
The work order to start the barn.
Beneath that is another work order. It looks like she had wanted to put in an underground silo, but there’s not one on the property, so I can’t help but wonder if maybe it was left unfinished. I didn’t see anything that looked like a foundation, but then again, I’m not well versed in what farm property is supposed to look like.
Shifting the box to the side, I walk around the table and find a few rubber storage containers with just as much dust as the boxes. I draw a smiley face on one, snorting before pulling the lid off, and freeze.
Old Avon perfume bottles. I pick up one, the feel and sight of it so familiar. Suddenly, an old childhood memory hits me. The scent of baby powder and rose on my grandma’s clothes. I shuffle around in the box and see that there’s one bottle in the shape of a dog and one that’s in the shape of a yellow lady with a ball gown.
There’s a green one in the shape of an old oil lamp and one in the shape of a Native American wearing a headdress. No fucking wonder that was discontinued.
At least, I hoped it was discontinued.
I also have a vague memory of my grandma shopping out of a tiny catalogue for these things.
I set it aside and pull the next bin close to me. It’s heavier.
The lid doesn’t come off right away, and as I tug, I realize it’s been sealed shut. That raises my hackles a bit. What the fuck could be in here that needed to be glued down? Glancingaround, I get up to try and find a knife I can dig at the seal with, when suddenly I notice movement outside.
