Page 85 of ILY
My stomach twists a bit, and I can feel anxiety rising along the base of my spine. If I’m not careful, it’s going to erupt, and my night is going to be entirely fucked.
Robbie taps my wrist, and I look up into his face.
‘Sorry,’ I tell him quickly. ‘It’s been a weird few days.’
Robbie’s face is sympathetic, and he reaches into his pocket for something. I recognize that little package. He slips it into my hand, and I can feel there’s only one little gummy left, but that’ll do the trick.
‘You sure?’
He laughs. ‘Already had mine. It was a bad week. This helps. Trust.’
I bite my lip, then look over my shoulder since Thorne still has his hand around my waist, rubbing absently at my hip. But he’s engrossed in the gym bros’ argument.
This isn’t illegal here, but I have no idea how FBI man is going to feel about me doing this. I elbow him and jerk my chin down at the package in my hand. He bursts into laughter and kisses the side of my neck.
“Will it help?” he murmurs into my ear.
“I have no idea,” I say back, leaning in close so he can hear my words. “I haven’t done this in a while.”
He kisses my jaw. “Try it. I’ll watch over you. I’ll be a good boyfriend and keep you safe.”
My eyes widen. ‘Boyfriend?’ I sign. ‘Mine?’
He shrugs, and his cheeks go pink. ‘Okay?’
Yes, it’s okay. It’s more than okay. It’s the one thing I’ve needed to hear from him. For me to feel like I’m on solid ground. And god, those flapping moth wings where my heart should be are moving even faster now.
I lean up and take him by the chin, kissing him. “Yes,” I murmur when he pulls back to look at my lips. He kisses me again for that before turning his attention back to Thom.
I look up at Robbie, who’s watching me with his impossibly keen eyes, and then he smiles. ‘I like him.’
‘True-biz?’ I’m not sure he’d say that after knowing the whole truth, but I suppose it won’t matter eventually. Thorne isn’t staying with the FBI. I don’t know what’ll come after for him.
If he’ll want to keep me or if I matter enough for him to try. But for the first time in a long, long time, I have hope. I just need to get over this hump. I need to find a way to let go for a bit so I can reset and then fix my life.
Robbie’s smile widens. ‘Yes.’
He gestures for me to eat the gummy, so I pop it into my mouth, the taste of pear exploding on my tongue, then lean back against Thorne’s strong, steady arm and allow myself to feel honestly and truly safe.
I’m finally not thinking about Michael. Instead, I’m on a high of Blue Lagoons and my obsession with Thorne.
Myboyfriend.
When Thorne said it at dinner, I about floated right out of my chair. I have never been so happy in my life, and that is both wonderful and really fucking sad. But I don’t have it in me to spiral now. I’m feeling too good.
Right now, we’re stumbling down the sidewalk as we stroll from the restaurant to the club, my arm linked through Thorne’s for balance.
He didn’t drink anything, which is fine. He’s the rock in my tumultuous sea.
And anyway, I’m pretty sure I drank enough for both of us. Robbie did too. I’m also pretty sure he had more gummies than he said he did.
More than a normal person should have. But I figure he’s smart. He’s like a goat. He can consume anything and be just fine.
‘So I can get through tonight,’ Robbie told me when he tipped back his last shot.
I snorted and cheered him, our glasses clanking loudly. Fucking yeah. Comrades in clubbing.
We move into the line with everyone else. Apparently, this is a hopping place. Our Deaf friends like it because of the colorful lights and the fact that most of the bartenders know ASL. It’s accessible and fun, and they don’t need to worry about their experience being dampened by things like discrimination or miscommunication.
