Page 113 of This Life and All the Rest
But god, the emotions that must have caused this...
Slowly, I walk back into the hallway. I peek into the bedroom, but I know I won’t find him inside. It’s empty, so I continue toward the studio.
I start to worry when I realize there is no music playing. I’ve never known Macon to create without music. When I get to the door, my fingers are trembling as I wrap them around the knob and push it open.
My breath comes out in a whoosh when I see Macon behind his pottery wheel, shirtless and clay-covered with the front of his hair pulled back by a pink butterfly clip.
His eyes shoot to mine before I can speak, and he turns off his wheel immediately.
For a few moments, we just stare at each other. I look him over, his eyes and face and body. He’s sober, I’m certain. I don’t know what happened in the kitchen, but I know he didn’t relapse. He didn’t give in to his addiction, but he definitely went throughsomethinghere in the last hour, and I think I can guess what it was.
I pull the envelope out of my back pocket and hold it up.
He looks at it, then back at me.
“My note?”
“Claire just gave it to me.”
I take slow steps toward him and stop when I’m just out of arm’s reach.
“Shejustgave it to you?”
Macon’s eyes search mine as he tries to piece it together, and it makes me want to rage at Claire all over again.
He’s spent the last four years thinking I had this note.
Thinking I had it and chose to stay in England anyway.
He’s spent the last four years thinking I willingly gave up on him, and yet he still held on.
“She took it out of my luggage,” I tell him clearly, and his face drops with shock. “Today was the first time I saw it. Before today, I didn’t even know it existed.”
He doesn’t say anything for a long time. He stares at the envelope in my hand with a furrowed brow and sad eyes. It takes all of my strength not to rush to him, but I wait for him to speak. Finally, he brings his eyes from the envelope back to my face.
“Did you read it?”
I nod.
“You said you’d explain in detail,” I tell him. “If you don’t mind, I’d like to hear that now.”
THIRTY
Prom Night
Gently,I run the strand of Lennon’s hair between my fingers, twirling it around and letting it drop before doing it all again.
She’s been asleep for an hour now, but I can’t stop staring at her.
Fuck, she’s beautiful.
When I started the night, I didn’t think I’d end up here. I still can’t believe it. I’m afraid if I fall asleep, she’ll disappear. It will all be a fucking dream.
This is it for me, though. We’re coming clean in the morning. Our parents are going to have to be okay with this because this is happening.
Me and Lennon, for real and out loud.
I’m not going to love her in secret any longer. I’m not hiding this from anyone. Not anymore.
