Page 104 of This Life and All the Rest
I practically throw myself at it, snatching it off the table and reading it in a single breath. Then my shoulders relax.
Jesus, the anxiety I just felt was unreal, and all I can think about is how shitty Lennon must have felt waking up after prom. I press my hands to my eyes and rub, then stand and get dressed. I skip a shower. I don’t want to wash her off of me just yet.
I go to the kitchen and make some coffee, then grab a protein bar from my cabinet. I’ve got a few things to do at the rec center today, and then I’m going to lay all my cards on the table.
Lennon belongs with me. We’re meant to be together, and we’ve waited long enough.
I’m stepping into the rec center office when my phone buzzes in my pocket. I take it out and check the screen. A text from Mom. I open it and read it, and it takes a moment to process what she’s saying.
I tried to call Capri but she didn’t answer. If you see her, can you tell her that her French friend is at the house with Claire? I won’t be home for a while. Thanks!Love you.
I want to laugh first. My mom sends texts like she’s sending an email or leaving a voicemail.
Then I get angry.
Her French friend.
That can only mean one person, and I see red.
This is not happening again. I turn around and head straight to my car. Work can wait.
TWENTY-NINE
My brain is runninga mile a second as I drive to Andrea’s.
I woke up at 10:15 to a message from Franco, saying my newest painting should arrive this morning at ten. It’s a welcomed distraction.
Everything from yesterday is such a blur. It’s making me question everything I thought I knew. Everything I believed for the last four years is crumbling.
And what about us now?
Macon and I have changed, yes. But maybe we could still work. Being with him...it still feels right. Better than before, even.
Once again, I replay what he told me in the storage room.
He says he didn’t abandon me on purpose. He says he expected me to come back. He says he never gave up on us.
But something just isn’t adding up, and I can’t pinpoint what.
What does all of this mean? Did I build a life based off misconceptions? Am I to blame for everything?
No.
Someone could have told me where Macon was. Someone could have told me the truth.
Andrea could have told me at any time during our fleeting check-in calls for the first few weeks I was at Aunt Becca’s. Claire could have told me when she emailed me back instead of telling me Macon was “better without me.”
Hell, even Macon could have told me instead of leaving me naked and alone in that hotel bed with nothing but a crumpled sticky note and a broken heart.
Why did he leave me there? Where did he go? What happened that night that made him disappear before I woke up?
Did he freak out? Did he regret what we’d done? Did he run scared?
God, we have so much left to talk about. It’s scary. What if we can’t handle all that’s happened between now and then?
But Macon did come back for me. I know he’s telling the truth. He was there the night I self-destructed. Three days after Sam had to leave me for Georgetown. A week after I moved to London for art school and started going by Capri. One year before I dropped out and moved to Paris.
He came for me, and then he just...left me there.
