Page 61 of This Life and All the Rest
“Fuck off, Davis.”
He hangs up on me, but I heard the smile in his voice. I wouldn’t have called him if I wasn’t sure it was okay. In fact, I know he would be pissed if I didn’t. Anytime I start to feel guilty, I replay the conversation we had a few years ago.
I was struggling. Emotionally, I was all over the fucking place. Mentally, I wasn’t much better. Once, I even went as far as to buy a bag of bullshit from some junkie dealer in a back alley in Virginia Beach, but then I cracked and called Casper.
Any fucking time of day. Any day of the week. I don’t care if it’s fucking Christmas morning, and we’re eighty years old in a nursing home surrounded by grandkids. You call me. I’ll be there.
I wait in the parking lot, chain-smoking and watching Evie sleep on the monitor, until Casper pulls in, then we walk silently into the rec center and to the gym.
Once we’re in the ring and the baby monitor is propped on a table next to it, he makes eye contact and I brace myself for whatever harsh reality he’s going to toss at me.
“You have to talk to her soon.”
I glance away, and he hits me upside the head with his gloved hand. I bat at him, but I don’t hit back. I just bring my eyes to his like he wanted.
“I’m serious, Macon. You can’t do this shit to yourself again, and you can’t lose this opportunity. If she goes back to Paris before you talk to her, you’re going to regret it.”
I close my eyes and drop my head back.
He’s right. I know he’s right. But fuck, I don’t know if I can. I don’t know if it matters.
Lennon made her choice once. Who’s to say that anything I’ve done will make a difference? Who’s to say she’ll actually care now? What if I just set myself up for failure all over again?
“Maybe I don’t want to know why she did what she did,” I say honestly.
“Then don’t ask,” he says. “Just fill her in on everything that’s happened since. Show her what’s changed. Show her what hasn’t changed.” He shrugs. “Give her a new choice.”
I let his words settle. I roll them over in my head, but one thought keeps circling.
Would I really be giving her anewchoice?
I’m still the same person, deep down. I’ve just cleaned up a little on the outside. I’m not sure if that will ever be enough.
“One hour,” Casper says, interrupting my spiral. “You’ve got one hour.”
He pops in his mouthguard, slips on his other glove, then pounds his fists together. When he speaks, it’s mumbled around the plastic.
“Hit me, fucker.”
EIGHTEEN
“Is she here?”I ask my mom as I hand her Evelyn.
“I thought she was staying with you,” Mom says, eyes wide. “What happened?” She looks at the clock on the wall. It’s 6 a.m. and Lennon is MIA.
“She left late last night,” I say honestly. “We kind of got into it.”
“Macon,” my mom sighs, leading me into the kitchen, “do you think she’s gone back to Paris?”
“No,” I lie. I can’t be sure of anything right now. “She wouldn’t leave while Trent is still in the hospital.”
My mom grabs her phone off the kitchen counter and dials. Evelyn reaches for the phone with a grin, so I give her leg a little tickle to distract her. The squeal of laughter she lets out makes me smile despite the shitty situation.
I need a fucking drink.
The phone rings several times before going to an automated message. Mom hangs up and her brow furrows.
“Maybe she went to a hotel,” she says to herself.
