Page 71 of This Life and All the Rest
The strongest me. The worthiest version of me. And now that Lennon’s back, I’m not sure that version of me will ever exist. I’ve talked to my therapist more in the last few days than I have since I started the program three years ago.
To be fair, Jessica knew this might happen. I just really hoped it wouldn’t.
The problem is my craving for Lennon has always been more powerful than any of the others.
Drugs, liquor, sex, pain.
They’ve always been temporary fixes to curb my need for her. They’re crutches to fall back on when I can’t have the one thing my body desires.
And with her this close? Close enough to touch, to kiss, to fuck, but to never really have?
It’s messing me up.
I’ve always been fucked-up, but having her here is making it worse.
But I can’t stay away.
I dry off and dress, eat a quick breakfast, then head to the hospital to meet my mom. She texted me Trent’s new room number, so I navigate my way through the hospital until I’m stepping off the elevator to find my mom and Lennon sitting in a waiting room with Evelyn.
“Macon,” Mom calls, waving me over.
I smile quickly at Lennon then give Mom my attention.
“Ready?” I ask. “What are we waiting for?”
The elevator beeps behind me and I turn around to watch Claire step out of it, answering my question.
“Sorry, I’m late,” Claire says with a wince, and I resist the urge to roll my eyes.
“It’s okay,” my mom says softly. “Are we all ready?”
She’s practically bouncing with nervous energy. We’ve already been briefed on Trent’s situation. His heart is weakened. He’s going to tire easily. We don’t want to overwhelm him.
Mom weighed the pros and cons of this group visit, but we decided it would be a good way to lift his spirits. Trent isn’t taking too well to being confined to a hospital bed.
I can relate. After my accident and femur surgery, I was going stir crazy. I know exactly how Trent must feel being cooped up here with an ability level half of what it was just days ago.
“Ready,” I say to Mom, then I boop Evie’s nose. “Ready to see Dada?”
Evie squeals and claps.
“Dadadadada,” she chants, and it brightens the mood immediately.
Lennon laughs lightly, and when I glance at her, she mouthsthank you. I’m not really sure why she’s thanking me, but I nod anyway.
We all follow Mom as she walks down the hall to Trent’s room. She checks in with a nurse on the way, and then she’s knocking on his door and stepping inside.
“Good morning,” Mom says lightly, and I hear Trent’s laugh before I step into his room.
“What a sight for sore eyes,” Trent says, and Evie immediately loses her shit.
She starts chantingDadaand bouncing in Mom’s arms, squirming like hell to get to her dad. Evie says something that sounds likehuganddownand we all laugh.
“Hello, my munchkin.” Trent chuckles, and he reaches his arms out to her so my mom can hand Evie over to him.
Her little hands close on his cheeks and she slobbers his face with a kiss before snuggling into his chest in the cutest way. He closes his eyes and hugs her tightly.
“Oh, I missed you too, baby girl.”
