Page 78 of This Life and All the Rest
By him, by Macon, even by Claire. My confidence, my self-worth, all of it was damaged by what they did to me.
I had to erase myself just to survive it.
And now, he thinks he can just gloss over everything? He thinks it can be forgiven and forgotten with a simple conversation, by blaming me and saying Iwasn’t readybefore?
Instead of breaking again, it just makes me angry.
“Maybe it’s too late for that, Dad,” I say firmly. “Maybe that bridge was burned four years ago. Maybe Claire poured the gasoline, you tossed the match, and Macon danced on the ashes. I won’t be forced back into a box that I outgrew. I’m not going to forgive him just to make it easier on you.”
He’s quiet for a minute, anguish clear on his face. Guilt. Pain. It’s more emotion than I’m used to seeing from him. He’s usually stone. Maybe his health has softened him.
“I’m not asking you to do that, Lennon. Just…talk to him. Please. And please know that I love you. With everything in me. I love you.”
My eyes start to sting, and I breathe through my nose slowly, trying to keep the tears from falling. I know this is important to him, but I’m not going to put myself in a situation that will make me backslide.
Every interaction with Macon—every conversation, every touch, every kiss—has threatened to pull me back in.
Even his smirk makes me feel things I haven’t felt since I was seventeen, and I hate it.
I hate how he’s the only one who can spark that fire inside of me. I hate it even more, because he’s the only one who can ruin me so thoroughly.
I’ve always had a soft spot for the boy that can break me. I thought I strengthened it. I thought it was gone. But the closer I get to him, I can feel it weakening, and it’s terrifying.
Loving Macon Davis destroyed me once. I won’t let it happen again.
“I love you, too, Daddy,” I tell him honestly. “I never stopped. But patching things up with Macon isn’t something I’m willing to do. I’ll be cordial while I’m here, but that’s the best I can give you. When I go back home, toParis, things will go back to how they’ve been. I hope you can understand.”
I inhale slowly as I watch his face for confirmation. I let him see that I’m serious. I’m determined. His lips tighten and worry lines appear on his forehead, but I don’t waver.
“Okay, Lennon,” he says finally, and I give him a small nod.
“Thank you. I’ll see you later, okay?”
I leavethe hospital and head to Andrea’s house.
If Franco mailed my painting like he said he would, it should arrive any day now. It might even already be here if he sent it express like I asked. I sent him the money for shipping, even though he said he’d cover it. He knows me better than that. I don’t take handouts.
I park at the curb and sneer at the car sitting in the driveway.
Claire is here.
It’s fine. I can be in and out. I tried to be civil with her at the hospital, but that doesn’t mean I want to strike up a friendship. Claire and I will never be friends.
I knock on the front door and wait, shifting back and forth on my feet until it opens and reveals Claire.
“Oh,” she says, glancing quickly over her shoulder and back at me. “What’s up?”
It takes every ounce of restraint in my body to keep from rolling my eyes.
“Just coming back to see if a package was delivered for me.”
When she doesn’t budge, I gesture behind her, and she steps out of the way, letting me in the house.
“I haven’t seen anything,” she says as she trails me into the kitchen. I don’t acknowledge her comment.
“Where’s Andrea?” I glance at the stack of mail on the counter, but there’s nothing that looks like it could be my piece. “Maybe she put it somewhere.”
“She had to pop into work,” Eric says, pulling my attention to where he’s standing between the kitchen and the living room. I didn’t even realize he was here, though I should have. It’s his car in the driveway. “She had to do something about payroll. She took Evelyn with her.”
