Page 106 of Between Never and Forever
“We’re fillin’ the order now. They’ve got us doing baked goods for the cast and crew for the next two weeks.”
That’s what I thought. They’ve got the café covering breakfast, and two different local restaurants alternating lunches and craft service foods. The film being here really is good for the town’s economy. Joe’s just an asshole.
“I want to add six of your blueberry streusel muffins.” I take my wallet out, but she throws up both hands with a scowl. Mary Lynn’s been trying to refuse my money for years. “Put ‘em in a box by themselves, though, and write ‘Ziggy’ on the top of it.”
“Ziggy?” she repeats curiously, and I nod. She waits for me to explain, but I don’t.
“Okay, sure,” she says with a smile.
“Thanks, Mary Lynn.”
I take my coffee in one hand and drop a twenty-dollar bill in its place before turning and heading back to my house.
On the walk back, I let my mind sift through the memories I usually avoid. Memories of Savannah and me when we were young. I think of blueberry streusel cake and laughter, and the thrilling feeling of doing something wrong for the right reasons. The thrilling feeling I’d get when it came to anything that had to do with Savannah. I’d have stolen a hundred blueberry streusel cakes just to see her smile. Walked through fire to keep her safe.
Everything about her being here has me conflicted.
Brynn is my priority now. She has to be.
But Savannah Shaw has always been a part of me in a way no one else ever has. She took up residence in my heart when we were fifteen years old, and she’s stayed there. I can’t fucking get rid of her. I used to think I didn’t want to. Her memories were the ones I’d visit anytime things got so difficult I couldn’t breathe. Every time I felt fucking lost or trapped, I’d think of her. I’d think of how I’d had her once. How I’d loved her. Held her. How part of her would always be mine, and it always managed to soothe some of the ache.
I did that for years, until I couldn’t anymore.
Responsibilities can be daunting. Sacrifices are painful. I question every decision I’ve ever made, except the ones I’ve made for Brynn. I love my daughter. I’d lay down my life for her. In a lot of ways, I have.
I just can’t stop wishing I could have them both. Brynn and Savannah.
I can’t stop wishing I could have my blueberry streusel cake and eat it, too.
* * *
The trailers start to line the streets around five in the morning.
I’ve been up for an hour already. They’ll be mostly filming in the outdoor space—our deck on the back of the house overlooking the waterway, the side yard, and the portion of our backyard that stretches out to the beach. The kitchen and dining area are directly connected to the deck, which is why the set at the studio was built to look just like mine. They film what they can on the set at the studio, but for the shots that require the beach-like backdrop, they’ll be in my house.
She’llbe in my house.
I’m not ready, I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready, but I can’t back out now. If for nothing else, we need the money. When the location scout for the movie approached me and asked to use my house for the film, I was all set to tell them no, but then they told me how much they would pay, and I caved. Use the house or lose the house, and I worked too fucking hard on this house to lose it.
I let the crew in shortly after the trailers arrive. I’m told that if the weather holds, they should be able to get everything filmed in two weeks. There are several beach scenes that take place at the beginning of the film, and then a few at the end when Savannah’s character returns home with the sister she saved.
Paul’s character should already be dead by that point. The death scene is one that needs to take place on location elsewhere, so unfortunately, I don’t get to see Sav kill him off, but I’d pay to see the film just for that part alone.
For the next two weeks, the outside and part of the inside of my house will resemble a set on the backlot. Film equipment will line every free area, and people will be rushing about with headsets and clipboards. My original plan was to try my best to stay out of the way, but now that I know Sav will be here, I’m not sure if that will be possible.
As I slip out the side door with the sunrise and walk to my truck, I hear her laughter carry on the salty breeze. It’s throaty and full. She’s always laughed with her whole body. The kind of laughter that makes other people want to be in on the joke. I stop walking and let my eyes drift toward the sound, finding her immediately.
She’s talking to her security guard about something while playing with her dog. She’s not wearing her wig, so her silver strands sparkle with the rising sun. Instead of getting into my truck and going to the office, I change direction and walk right to her.
Savannah hears footsteps and turns her beaming smile on me, but the smile disappears when her eyes land on my face.
“What are you doing here?” She stands back up from where she was crouched with the dog. “You working on these sets, too?”
“Something like that,” I say slowly.
I drag my eyes from Savannah’s face to Red’s and give him a nod in greeting, then put my hand out to pat the head of the dog that’s now sniffing my feet and legs.
“The guitar lessons,” I say, cutting to the chase. I thought she’d be easier to talk to without the wig. I was wrong. “Would on the lunch break or after shooting work?”
