Page 44 of Between Never and Forever
“Are you okay, Savvy? I’m so fucking sorry. Torren says Sean feels like shit, but I still kicked his ass. How are you feeling? Shit, Sav. We can find someone else to play keyboard tonight. I swear, we c—”
“Whoa, slow it down, Jonah,” I say, cutting off his breathless tirade. “I’m okay. I’m fine. Levi brought me home and filled me in.”
“Sean’s banned. He’s not allowed around again. I called around to some friends. I got someone who can fill in for the show toni—”
“Dude, chill. We can’t get a new keyboard player before tonight’s show. That’s crazy. It’ll fuck everything up.”
I flick my eyes to Levi. He’s watching me intently, obviously eavesdropping. I pull an annoyed face at him and gesture for him to give me some privacy. He scowls but does as I ask. I lower my voice when I continue my phone call.
“Look Jo, you know Torren and Sean are the ones with the connection. If we want to play those shows up the coast, they have to be with us. We’ll never keep Tor if we kick out Sean.”
“That’s bullshit, Savvy. We can find someone else. We’ll make it work.”
I sigh and close my eyes. Jonah is right, but he’s also wrong.
Sure, we can find someone else, but only if we’re okay giving up our chance at a tour. We can get rid of Sean as long as we’re also okay getting rid of Torren. Torren won’t stay if we kick out his brother. We’d have to replace half the band, and if we do that, there’s no way we’ll catch this break.
Fuck, this sucks.
More scenes have been clearing up in my memory. The way his hands felt, the forceful way he touched me. I think it hurt. I think I cried. I know I was scared.
I breathe through my nose and my shoulders fall.
Why does it always come to this bullshit? My plans and life always being upended by a man who can’t keep his fucking hands to himself.
First Terry with his nasty comments and threats, thinking just because he could pimp my mom out for drugs, he could do the same to me. Then Mr. Oglesby, watching me shower and sleep. I woke up once with him standing over my bed in the middle of the night. I stopped sleeping after that.
Oscar was the worst. He wasn’t sneaky or secretive. He was loud, his desires obvious. He didn’t care who saw because he knew he could get away with whatever he wanted. He’d touch me—squeeze my boob or butt or put his hand high on my thigh—and if I pushed him away, he’d withhold food or allowance. When he started to mess with Mabel, though, that’s when I knew I had to get out. I couldn’t stand the thought of him punishing her just because I didn’t want to give into his advances. If he started starving her the way he was trying to do to me, I might actually have given in.
God, and now this mess with Sean.
Miami was supposed to be my escape. I’m supposed to be in control now.
I’m so sick of being vulnerable. I’m so tired of being looked at as prey. Just once, I’d like something tobegood andstaygood. I deserve that, right? Not everything should have to be this difficult.
“I’m going to talk to him,” I say finally. “We’ll play tonight, and I’ll talk to him after. Then we’ll decide where to go from there.”
Jonah grunts on the other end, but he doesn’t say anything, so I change the subject.
“Anyway, that’s not why I was callin’. What size shoe do you wear?”
Levi is terrible on rollerblades.
Luckily, Papa Jonah insisted he wear a helmet; otherwise, his head would look as beat up as his palms right now. Couple that with the bruise he got from Bobby, and Levi looks like he had quite the Miami spring break experience.
“C’mon,” I say with a grin, rolling slowly on my skateboard down the boardwalk. “We’ll never get there if you keep letting gravity make you its bitch.”
Levi scowls at me, sweat dotting his forehead and making his arms glisten. He’s wearing a black tank top I borrowed from my roommate’s boyfriend, and the way his sculpted shoulders and biceps have tanned makes my throat tighten.
Definitelynotfifteen anymore.
“Didn’t Jonah have a bicycle I could borrow?”
“Yeah.”
His eyes widen and he wobbles again on the rollerblades. “You did this on purpose.”
I smirk. “Wanted to see if your balance had gotten any better.”
