Page 146 of Between Never and Forever
“He let them do it. I think he encouraged it. I was in the hospital for three weeks recovering and detoxing. When I was discharged, I went to the police and tipped them off about the drugs in the house. Terry had been going to parties. Selling to the college kids. Getting them to deal for him. Terry was arrested, and I haven’t seen him since. I followed the story for a bit. Eighty-eight months in prison. Potential for parole. Something about giving up his suppliers. Didn’t really hear much after that.”
She shrugs and silence surrounds us once more. I let her words wash over me, but I don’t speak. I wait, and when she realizes I want more, I’m giving her the space to explain, she doesn’t hesitate.
“Levi found me in one of the shelters after the hurricane. The house was decimated. Everything was gone. I was moments away from giving up, but he was delivering supplies and donations to the shelter and found me. Put me up in a hotel that day. Offered me the job a week later.”
At that, I don’t fight the smile that wants to break my lips. I don’t question the way my heart aches.
“Levi’s always had a savior complex,” I say.
Saving me. Saving my mom. Saving half the town, from what I’ve learned. Even his marriage to Julianna was out of some sense of duty. I’ve always thought of Levi as saint-like. More charitable and giving and caring than his own good. Too good for me.
My mother nods.
“He’s a good man, Savannah. I care about him and Brynn so much. I owe himso much.”
I let that sink in before I speak again. This time, my words are calm and controlled. Curious, but not angry.
“What have you been doing with the money?”
The money I’ve been depositing in her account every month since we signed with the label. I always assumed she was using it for drugs, but I’d always hoped she would use it to get away. To get clean.
“At first, I used it for what you think. Terry had open access to the bank account. After he left, I saved it. Used a bit of it to help me buy the house down the street. And now I put it into a savings account. Sort of a college fund, I guess.”
My eyes widen.
“For Brynn?”
My mom smiles softly, the love in her eyes undeniable.
“For Brynn.”
I break eye contact and look at my feet. I flex my toes against the hardwood again. I think of five things I see, four things I can touch, three things I can hear.
I understand how addiction can fuck you up. I understand how it affects the people you love. How you hurt the ones closest to you. I get it. I’ve lived it. I’m guilty of it.
“I don’t know if I can forgive you,” I confess to the floor. “I know I can’t just forget and move on.”
“I know. I would never ask you to. But...”
She hesitates, grappling for words. When I finally look back at her, her brows are furrowed and she’s crying silently again.
“I have always loved you. I hope someday you can believe that. And I hope...I hope that one day, you can understand that I’m different now. I know the damage I’ve caused. I’m so very sorry for it. I know it can’t be undone. But I have changed, Savannah. I’m trying every day to be better.”
I can see the honesty on her face. I can hear the truth in her words. I let them move from my head to my heart, and I will myself to accept them. Part of me doesn’t. I don’t know if it ever will. But another part of me? It already has.
“Okay,” I say quietly. “Okay.”
34
It’saround noon when Savannah’s phone rings.
We’ve spent the morning—me, her, Brynn, Red, and Sharon—lounging on the deck. It was tense at first. It still is. But it’s getting better. The production has three more scenes to shoot before they head to Portofino. If everything goes as planned, they’ll be gone by the end of the week.
I don’t know where the time has gone.
I curse myself for dragging my fucking feet in the beginning. For avoiding the inevitable. I should have kissed her in that café. I should have been with her every day since the day her flight landed in North Carolina. Instead, I was a coward, just like she said.
“What’s up?” Savannah says into the receiver. Her eyes widen and she whips her attention to the clock on the wall. “Oh shit. I forgot.”
