Page 66 of Between Never and Forever
“You will wear the ring, or we will move forward publicly about the replacement. And if I were you, I’d think for a minute about how that news will affect your movie press. I know you’ve been working hard to clean up your image, Savannah. Wouldn’t want all that effort to go up in smoke.”
Hammond turns and walks out the door, and I watch as it closes slowly behind him, sealing us inside with a softclick.
My blood is rushing in my ears. My heart is pounding out of my chest. I clench my fists and feel my nails bite into my palm. I am so sick of this shit.
“You fucking proposed,” Mabel sneers at Torren. “When the fuck did you propose, Torren?”
I drop my head between my knees and let them lash out at each other. For years I was the mediator and ringleader, but I’m too fucking exhausted to do it anymore.
“Cleveland.”
Torren’s voice is resigned. Cleveland was right before Atlanta. Right before everything blew up.
“In fucking Cleveland?” Mabel scoffs and turns her attention on me. I can feel her eyes burning giant holes in my back. “Is that why you decided to quit? Is that why you decided to pull the plug on everything we’ve worked for?”
I shake my head as I slowly sit my body back upright.
“It wasn’t just one thing, Mabel.”
Her disbelieving snort has my teeth clenching and my nostrils flaring. I stare her down and give her some hard fucking truths.
“I’ve had three failed rehab stints in as many years, Mabel. Three. One of them, the label made me check out early against medical advice because we couldn’t disrupt our tour. It took Jonah almost dying for me to try to get clean, and the only reason he isn’t dead yet is because I hired him a 24/7 babysitter with a briefcase full of fucking Narcan.”
She rolls her eyes, as if Jonah’s OD was no big deal, and that just pisses me off more.
“Everyone in this band is a fucking mess. We’re on a fast track to burn out. To the goddamned grave. And what about you? Do you even know the name of the guy you screwed in your suite before the show tonight? What about last night? It’s been two years since Crystal dumped you, and you’re still on a downward spiral. Am I just supposed to wait until you crash at the bottom? Want me to wait around and see how you’ll self-destruct, too?”
I pull at my hair and kick the coffee table to keep from screaming. I look at Torren, still standing with his back to the wall, jaw tight and brows slanted. His chest is rising and falling with his rapid breaths.
No one is listening to reason.
Everyone is so fucking afraid of change—afraid of what comes after this—that they’re willing to hold on to the death. But I don’t want to die. I don’t want them to die. I want us to live.
“I don’t need you telling me how to live my life, Savannah,” Mabel seethes. “At least I’m coherent. At least I’m not waking up face down in a ditch reeking of whiskey.”
“I’m not either,” I yell back. “Not anymore.”
She narrows her eyes and curls her upper lip.
“Have the track marks between your toes healed yet?” she asks, almost sweetly, and it makes me want to vomit.
“I amtrying,” I grind out. “I don’t want to be that person anymore. Jesus, don’t you get it? We won’t survive another year like this.Iwon’t.”
“Then move on to your fancy new Hollywood career and let us replace you. We won’t be your problem anymore.”
She stands and walks out the door without another word, and the ice in her demeanor chills me to my marrow. Mabel used to be all laughter and sunshine. She was my best friend, and now she can’t stand me. She can’t even look at me without hatred and jealousy coloring her vision.
It started slow at first. In the beginning, she was just excited the band was getting the attention. It wasn’t until the label started making me front and center on all the posters, giving me all the interviews and magazine covers, that it really started to eat away at our relationship.
Her and me, we’re hanging by a rapidly fraying thread. I thought putting an end to The Hometown Heartless was the only way to repair it. Now I have no idea.
“I didn’t tell him,” Torren says, deep voice slicing through the silence. Jonah is still passed out in the armchair. I have no idea where Red went. It’s just me and Torren. “I didn’t tell anyone, Savvy, I swear.”
“I know.” I sigh. “I know, Tor. It’s fine.”
Slowly, he walks toward the couch, then takes a seat on the cushion next to me. When he takes my hand in his, I let him, relaxing into his warmth.
“Why won’t you say yes?” His voice is brooding and steady. “Would it be so bad? Marrying me? I thought we loved each other.”
