Page 63 of The Love You Fight For
A sad laugh escapes me, then I fall back on the pillows.
Chris’s sister was right; he just doesn’t see it. He looks at me like I’m something to be worshiped, not something to be feared. He looks at me like I have nothing in the world to be ashamed of, like I have good inside me. Like I couldbegood if I wanted to be.
But Chris is wrong.
I sit up with a jolt,and it takes a moment to get my bearings.
The unfamiliar room is dark, lit only by the moon shining through the windows, but I can tell I’m on a bed surrounded by my work supplies. My laptop sits open, but asleep, on the pillow beside me, and my notebooks lie atop the bedspread.
I must have fallen asleep, and a dream woke me up.
I scrub a hand down my face, then throw my hair up using the elastic on my wrist. I lie back on the bed and close my eyes again, but I can’t get comfortable. My mind won’t quiet.
I reach for my phone to call Lennon seconds before I remember I don’t have it with me. I brought only my second phone, and I don’t use that for personal contacts. I don’t have my sleeping pills either.
I tap the trackpad on my laptop to wake it up and check the time. It’s a little after midnight. I won’t be falling back asleep for a while, or possibly at all, so I make up my mind to not even try.
Quietly, I climb out of bed and tiptoe into the kitchen. I rummage through the fridge, find the leftover pizza, and pull out a slice, then I open all the cabinets until I find a glass to fill with water.Then, as quietly as possible, I walk down the hall and out the back door.
Grateful for the full moon and starry sky, I make my way down to the boat dock. I keep my eyes on the gravel path, careful not to trip over a stray stick or rock. When I can hear the soft sounds of the lake, I glance up and find that the dock is occupied.
“Are you coming to keep me company?” Chris says as I step onto the wooden slats.
“Do you want company?” I ask, and he shrugs with a smile.
“From you? Always.” He scoots over and pats the spot on the dock next to him. “Couldn’t sleep?”
I slip off my sandals and leave them next to his, then I hand him my plate and water and lower myself awkwardly beside him so my legs are hanging off the edge. I take my slice of pizza off the plate, take a bite, and chew slowly to delay answering.
“Figured I’d come out here so I didn’t wake you,” I say after I swallow, then I turn and look him over. “What are you doing out here, anyway?”
He picks up a paperback book and waves it at me before setting it behind him.
“Reading.”
“But it’s dark.”
He grins.
“It wasn’t always dark.”
“Hm.”
I look back out over the lake. I don’t ask him what he’s been doing since the sun set. I suppose he doesn’t want me to know. I take another bite of my pizza and chew.
I wonder what it was like to grow up coming here for the summer. I bet it was fun. I bet he laughed a lot. I hope he has pictures of it. Of him and his sister and his dad and?—
“Hey, where’s your mom?” I ask, and I feel him stiffen beside me. “Sorry,” I say quickly. “That’s none of my business.”
“No, it’s fine. Last I heard, she was in New Mexico.”
I don’t know what to say to that. He doesn’t sound sad. Justresolved to the reality of it. I bite my lip and focus my eyes on my pizza. I’m seconds from going back to my tiny room when he starts talking.
“She had an affair when I was in fifth grade. My dad found out and filed for divorce, but when my mom’s lover wouldn’t leave his own wife, she skipped town. I guess the idea of living in Franklin forever just wasn’t enough for her.”
I turn toward him and run my eyes over his face. I had no idea. I remember seeing his mom a few times at school when we were kids, and then nothing. I didn’t know there was a divorce or that she left. I didn’t know any of it.
“I’m sorry,” I say honestly, and he bumps my shoulder with his.
