Page 165 of Of Heartbreak and Harmony
“I don’t hate it, actually.”
I snap the compact closed and hand it back to Mabel. It’s weird seeing the half of my head that’s not sliced open and bruised. It’s pale and untouched, and from the right side it almost looks like nothing happened. The buzzed head could easily pass as a fashion choice. To anyone who can’t see my left side, anyway. But I mean it. I truly don't hate it.
“Low-key was worried your head would be lumpy or misshapen or something.”
I narrow my eyes at my sister, and she throws up her palms.
“What? I was. I’m just saying it looks good. It’s totally normal and round. Hooray.”
Sav and Mabel crack up laughing, which gets me laughing. It makes my stomach and head and arm ache, but it also feels good. It feels cathartic. It feels like some of the weeks’ worth of pain are being purged from my body with each rumble of my chest and gust of air from my lungs.
We spend the next few hours talking and laughing. They don’t ask me about my arm, and I’m grateful for that. I don’t want to talk about it. I don’t want to think about it. And for the time they’re here, I almost don’t.
After a while, Damon drives Glory back to the hotel where she’s been staying with my mom. I didn’t even realize Damon was here, but apparently, he’s been camping out in the lobby and shuttling my mom and sister to and from the hospital every day. Craig, too. Just another thing Torren didn’t disclose right away. He probably knew I’d feel bad. I do.
When Sav and Mabel stand from their chairs, I look at the clock. It’s nearly ten. I didn’t even realize it was past visiting hours. They kept me entertained and distracted, and without the distraction, I’m left to myown thoughts. My heart sinks. My thoughts always come back to my injuries and my uncertain future with music. The train of thought always starts rolling again.
“Thank you so much for coming and spending today with me,” I say honestly. “It was really great to see you guys.”
“Of course,” Mabel says. “As soon as we knew you were awake, we chartered the jet.”
“The jet?” I furrow my brow just as Mabel’s eyes go wide. She flicks her eyes to Torren, so I do the same, and I find him frowning at her. Then he looks at me, and his face falls. “Why did you need to charter the jet?” I look between the three members of The Hometown Heartless currently looking guilty in my hospital room, and my anger flares. I’m so sick of tiptoed around. I’m so sick of being remind just how fragile I am. “Would someone just fucking tell me what’s going on?”
Sav and Mabel both look to Torren, and he sighs. “It’s the last few American shows.”
“Oh.” My stomach twists, and I have to breathe past the sting of tears that overwhelm me. “Right. Of course. You’ve got to finish the tour. Yeah.” I smile at Torren. “I can’t wait to watch you on the live streams.”
Torren worries his lower lip. “Baby...they’retouring. Not me.”
“What? Why not?”
When Torren doesn’t explain, Sav speaks up. “Well...I think this is a conversation that is best had without us, yeah, Mabes?”
“Yep. Agreed.” Mabel and Sav approach my bed, and each give me awkward side hugs to avoid bumping my left arm. “We’ll be back soon, okay?”
“Yeah.” I nod and take my eyes off Torren long enough to tell them goodbye. “Thanks again. Travel safe.”
The second they’re out the door, I’m on him. “Explain. How are they touring without you?”
“They have a backup bassist right now.”
“Who? Why? How is that possible? You can’t skip the tour because of me. That’s ridiculous.”
“It’s Becket Walker. He’s doing it because we asked him to, and he said yes. And, Firebird, what’s ridiculous is you thinking I would want to be anywhere other than here.” He steps forward, holding me withintense eye contact, and crouches by my bed. “The sooner we finish this tour, the sooner we’re out of our contract. None of us wanted to postpone, but I wasn’t willing to leave you, and honestly, no one wanted me to. We all agreed that getting someone to fill in for me was the best option.”
“And you went withBecket?” The whole concept is strange to me, but Torren shrugs.
“Yeah. He’s been doing a good job, as far as I hear.”
I sit with the news for a few breaths, considering everything. It’s just...it’s just overwhelming, and I start to cry. I’ve cried so much in the last few days that if it weren’t for the IV, I’d probably be dehydrated.
But...
It’s also been so fucking long since someone has taken care of me. Since I’ve been in a position where someone has been able to make me a priority.
I don’t resent my mom for her stroke. I don’t regret coming home and taking over so I could care for Mom and Glory. But fuck, it was so lonely. It was exhausting. To know that Torren has given up touring so he can sit by my bedside while I heal...it’severything.
My guilt is consumed by my gratitude. By the absolute relief I felt when he told me he wasn’t leaving me.
