Page 172 of Of Heartbreak and Harmony
I want to laugh at myself.
How surreal that hanging out with members of The Hometown Heartless feelsfamiliar. It’s crazy how much things can change in less than a year. My chest tightens, and I flex my hand again. So many things.
“Callie?”
I blink out of my thoughts and look toward Sav. “Yeah?”
“You kind of tuned out. Got a little misty-eyed. You need anything?”
“Oh.” I laugh awkwardly. “No, I’m fine. Sorry. Tired, I guess.”
Sav smiles softly. “You sure?”
“Yep.” I nod. “Totally sure.”
“Okay. Good. Because I have an idea I want to run by you.”
She’s sporting a sly grin that makes me suspicious. I narrow my eyes and tilt my head to the side as I assess her.
“What have you done, Savannah?”
“Nothing...” She throws up her palms and takes a step backward. “...yet. I just wanted to know how you’d feel about inviting the guys to come to Europe with us when we leave on tour next month.”
“What guys?”
“Ezra, Rocky, and Becket.” She purses her lips. “Pike, too, I guess. If you can convince him.”
“Why would we invite them to come on tour? It’s weird enough that I’m going to have my own physical therapist. I don’t want an entire entourage of idiots, too.”
Sav laughs, which makes me laugh despite the fact that I’m genuinely confused. And genuinely trying my damnedest not to let disappointment overtake me. Touring with Heartless is going to be difficult knowing what was once again ripped from my fingertips. Touring with my old band tagging along as spectators?
No.
I’m preparing to tell Sav as much when she turns that sly grin on me again, throwing out another casual shrug.
“I just thought you could use the time to write, you know? Work on your album. We could get you some studio time in Italy if you’re ready by then.” She barks out a loud laugh. “Don’t look at me like I’ve got five heads, Cal. This is an honest suggestion...and...I might have already made all the necessary plans for it. Well, I had Ham make them, but you know.”
Sav’s grin widens, and she reaches across the counter, puts two fingers on my chin, and gently closes my gaping mouth. I try three times to say something, but I have no words. I can barely wrap my head aroundherwords, let alone form my own.
Finally, all I can manage is, “Why?”
“I’m protecting my investment. What kind of record label would I be if I left my first signed band to fend for themselves?”
My chest aches, and her smile flickers. I can see the sympathy in her eyes. I’m sure she can see the devastation in mine.
“Sav... I don’t know if or when I’ll ever be able to play again. I... God, I can barely play ‘Écossaise in E-Flat Major’ right now, and it’s considered one of Beethoven’s easiest pieces. I learned to play it in my first year and now I...” I close my eyes and sigh, giving Savannah a shrug. “You can’t bet on me, Sav. You just can’t.”
We sit in silence for a moment before Sav speaks up, prompting me to open my eyes and meet hers.
“When you had to leave Caveat and move home after your mom’s stroke, how did you feel?”
“Incomplete,” I say immediately. “I felt like a part of me was missing.”
“And when you sit on your piano bench to practice every day now, how do you feel? Even with the accident putting you back at square one. Even fumbling through ‘Écossaise,’ how do you feel?”
This answer doesn’t come as easily. I have to sift through it. I have to really dig deep to sort it out, and even when I start speaking, I’m not sure what I say fully encompasses it all.
“I feel a lot of things,” I say slowly. “I feel anger for having years of practice and mastery stolen from me. I feel mournful, like a defining part of my life has been irreparably altered. I feel stupid for putting myself in a position for all of this to happen in the first place. And then... At the heart of it... Under all of that... I feel whole.”
