Page 124 of For Wrath and Redemption
I freeze. Slowly, I turn and face her. She’s in her pajamas. Her hair is mussed from sleep, and her face is creased with worry.
“What’s wrong? Why are you crying?”
I wipe at my face. I didn’t even realize I was crying.
She scans my face, and then drops her gaze down my body. Her posture stiffens when she sees the prescription bottle.
“Jonah, are you...?” She lifts her eyes back to mine. “Are you trying to take my medication?”
I clamp my eyes shut. I fist my hands against the tremble and shake my head. I don’t even know what to say to her. I can’t even apologize. In this moment, I’m only sorry that I got caught.
“Yes.”
I brace myself for anger. I’m ready for her to scream at me. To call Hammond or Sav. To leave me. But then she crosses the floor, and her hands cup my cheeks.
“You’re sweating.”
Her voice is soft and sweet. No anger. Just concern. She slides one hand to my heaving chest and rests it above my heart. I’m sure she can feel it racing.
“Is this about today? Did you have a nightmare or a panic attack or something?”
I open my eyes and hold her gaze. I inhale shakily. “Yes.”
The hand she has resting on my chest slides to my shoulder, then down my arm, stopping at my wrist. When she tries to take the prescription bottle, I let her.
“Are you having withdrawal symptoms?”
I force a swallow and nod. “Yes.”
“Okay. I’ll call Hammond to get a doctor.”
“No.” I grab her wrist before she can step away. “No. Don’t tell him. It’s just...” I close my eyes again and try to slow my breathing. “I can do it. I’ve done it before. The hospital just...”
I shake my head. My voice is hoarse and strained. It doesn’t sound like mine, and I can’t find the words. I just see Theo in that hospital bed.I seemein that bed. I can feel the IVs. I can hear the monitors. There are too many memories. Too many.
My pulse picks up speed again, but she moves her hand back to my cheek.
“The hospital triggered you.”
I nod. “Yes.”
When Claire urges me forward, I open my eyes and follow her to her bed. She sits on the mattress, so I sit beside her, and she takes both of my hands in hers.
“How long have you been off of it?”
I know she means the pills. I clear my throat. “Been tapering since Scotland. Completely off since Sunday.”
She stiffens. “You’ve been detoxing this whole time?”
I huff out a laugh that makes my battered body hurt. The headaches. The irritability. The increased anxiety. All compliments of the comedown.
“Yeah. Sexy, right?”
“Jesus, Jonah. You should have told me. You’re not supposed to do that without medical supervision. Does your therapist know?”
I huff out another laugh. My therapist didn’t even know I was still using.
“I’m fine, Trouble. I’ve done this before. The hospital just...”
