Page 88 of For Wrath and Redemption
“I do. You’d already expected the worst from me, and he just confirmed your suspicions.”
She sounds so hurt. She sounds betrayed. I did this to her. I took my own insecurities and used them against her. She’s right, but she’s also wrong.
“I expected the worst so I wouldn’t hope for the best,” I confess. “You’ve gotten under my skin, Trouble, and I like it. I like it too fucking much. And I just kept thinking,when she leaves...” I hesitate. The words are scary. Too honest. Too raw. I force myself to say them anyway. “I kept thinking,When she leaves, she’ll go back to him,and she’ll take my heart with her.”
Claire shakes her head and takes a few steps toward me. “I told you. I’m not leaving.”
“You have a job to do. I know.”
“I’m not leaving because I care. I’m not leaving because you matter.” She gives me a sad smile. “And anyway, you’re technically not my job, anymore.”
My heart stutters. My breath catches. “I’m not?”
“I quit, remember? Conrad doesn’t even want me to be here. I’ve been given an order to leave, but I’ve chosen to stay. I made the decision even before...”
She trails off, but she doesn’t have to say it.
Even before I fucked her, then tried to break her. My eyes clampshut. I want to reach for her. I want to hold her against me and never let go, but I keep my hands fisted at my sides.
“I’m so fucking sorry, Claire.”
“I know.” I wait for her to say more. When she does, it’s not what I want to hear. “Let’s go back to the room. You’ve got to record a new video before soundcheck.”
“Okay. Let’s get on with it.”
She walks past me toward the door, and I follow. I don’t know what to do moving forward, but I do know that I’m going to do my best not to hurt her again.
I’m not leaving because I care. I’m not leaving because you matter.
I replay her words over and over in my head. She cares. I matter to her. She chose to stay. I hold on to that. I let it propel me through the rest of the afternoon. Through the whole show. I sink my teeth into it and refuse to let go as I lie down to sleep.
She matters. She fucking matters. And I can’t lose her.
“Did you get it?”
José nods and hands the bag to me. I open it and check inside, then hand it back.
“Put it in the suite, yeah? I’ll handle the rest.”
José takes the bag, but he hesitates before turning around. He looks at me cautiously, so I arch a brow as I light my cigarette.
“You need something else?”
He swallows. “You sure this is a good idea?”
I blink at him. He’s never questioned me before. “You think it’s not?”
“No, it’s not that. It’s just...It sends a message, is all. I want to make sure you’re okay with that.”
I take a drag from my cigarette and blow the smoke out the side of my mouth, careful not to hit José. “I know it sends a message. That’s exactly what I want it to do.”
“Okay.”
He turns and leaves without saying anything else, and I head back inside. The music from our opening band is pounding out into thestadium. Instead of going into the dressing room, I throw my hair into a bun and make my way to the front.
The moment I set foot on the floor, the fans standing on the other side of the barricade start to scream. I wave. I touch a few hands. I sign a hat and a tour shirt. Then I zero in on Claire and close the distance between us.
“Hey,” I say into her ear, and she jumps. The expression she turns on me is one of shock, but it’s quickly replaced with a smile.
