Page 106 of The Temptation of Truth
“I thought I was prepared. I wasn’t,” I confess. “I knew she was out there. I thought I was ready, but I didn’t consider all the feelings it would dig up.”
“What kind of feelings?”
I drop my eyes to my hand and spin my ring around on my finger.
“Inadequacy, I guess. I mean, I knew there was a possibility she’d have a family, but I didn’t realize how much it would hurt.”
I pause when my voice cracks. I breathe in and out, in and out, trying and failing to keep another wave of tears at bay. I feel the shift of the Earth beneath me as it threatens to knock me off balance. I fear it will start spinning again. That I will spiral and fall.
But then Aurora puts her hand on my knee, and it all halts.
I release my ring and lace my fingers with hers. I wrap my other hand around her wrist and press two fingers to her pulse point. I feel her heartbeat. I hear it in my head. I imagine my pulse syncing with hers. Then, with tears streaming down my face, I force another rough swallow and continue.
“She has two girls, and they look just like me. Just like me, Roar. Same hair and eyes and face. Same everything. And I knowit’s not rational, I know it’s not, but I can’t stop thinking that they were her do-over, you know? Like she got it wrong with me but right with them. They get the birthdays, and the vacations, and the back-to-school photos, and I got dumped at a fucking fire station with a blanket and a bottle. Why are they enough, but I wasn’t? Why did they deserve the happy family fairy tale, and I didn’t? What was wrong with me? Why wasn’t I enough for her?”
Aurora lifts her hands, still entwined with mine, to my chin and tilts it until our gazes lock.
“You aremorethan enough, Mabel. I can’t speak for why your mom did what she did, but I can say with absolute certainty that it wasn’t because of anything wrong with you. There isnothingwrong with you. You are beautiful, and smart, and kind, and strong, and you aremorethan enough.”
She leans in and presses her forehead to mine, our noses grazing as she releases my hands and slides her palms to the sides of my neck.
“You are more than enough, Susan Ainsley Mabel Rossi. In every single life and every single version, you are more than enough. I swear it. Only honesty here.”
She wrecks me. The measly dam I’d been trying to maintain breaks, and tears flood down my cheeks. I squeeze my eyes shut. I try to stop them, but it’s futile. I want to believe her. When she says it, she sounds so sure, and I almost do. But thirty years of these feelings, these questions...
I bite my cheek and try to stifle a sob. It shoves violently through, anyway. My body shakes. My head pounds. My balance falters. I’m spinning. I’m falling.
Then she’s wrapping her arms around me, hugging me so tightly, and I cling to her. I anchor myself to her. She’s steady and strong and grounding. I hold onto her until I’m no longer dizzy. Until my tears slow to a trickle. Until I can breathe without my chest aching. And even then, it takes effort to loosen my hold.
“You are more than enough,” she whispers once again, her lips moving against my hair. “I swear it. Okay?”
I will her words to soak into my skin and stay there. I want to be able to replay her voice and this statement whenever I need it. Whenever I doubt it. Until I believe it for real.
“Okay.”
Slowly, reluctantly, I release her and put space between us. Her arms fall from my body, and I miss the contact instantly. I don’t want to let go. I don’t want to leave the comfort of her touch.
I meet her eyes to find them glassy and red. Tear tracks that mirror mine are shimmering on her cheeks. It hurts in a whole new way. Like I’ve finally found what I’ve been missing, but it can never be mine.
She’s married. She’s Ham’s niece. I hate it.
I want to pull her back into me, but I don’t.
Instead, I shrug and change the subject.
“I’m sorry for waking you.”
Aurora smirks and arches an eyebrow. It takes a second to realize she’s mimicking me, but when I do, I can’t help but laugh.
“You didn’t wake me.” She gestures to the television. “I was watching a movie.”
Sure enough, there’s a movie paused on the screen, and I immediately recognize the frozen image. My jaw drops, and I whip my attention back to her.
“Is that what I think it is?”
“All I Wanna Do.”A smile stretches across her face. “You know it?”
“I’ve watched it no less than ten times. Have you seen it before?”
