Page 126 of The Temptation of Truth
“Because I don’t want to have a baby. I don’t want to be married to him. It’s not fair to anyone. I don’t love him, Mabel. He’s manipulative and mean and controlling, and I actually think I might hate him. He speaks to me like I’m nothing. He makes me feel like I’m nothing. I can’t be with someone like that. Not now that I know what it feels like to be with someone I actually have feelings for. Not now that I know how it feels to really connect...to really care about...to reallylovesomeone. I just can’t. Being here with you, with your friends, it’s shown me how much better it could be. How much better isshouldbe. It’s shown me what I really want, and that’s not Brady. I don’t want to be married to him or to be tied to him by a kid I don’t want. I can’t do it. Iwon’tdo it. I’ve wasted too much time already. I’ve let him take too much from me. I have to end it. I have to.”
My breathing is elevated when I stop talking, and my pulse is pounding in my ears, but with the exception of two small lines forming between her brows, Mabel’s expression hasn’t changed. She’s still stony. She’s still cold. I start to panic.
“Mabel, say something. Please. You’re starting to worry me.”
I shake my head and take a step away from her.
“Did I upset you? Am I wrong? Do you not...are you not...is this bad? God, I shouldn’t have said anything. It’s not your problem. I’m sorry. I’m so sor?—”
My apology is halted when her lips press against mine, and the surge of relief almost makes my knees buckle. Her hands cup my face, and I wrap my arms around her, clinging to her, kissing her desperately. Once again, she breathes life into me. She fillsme with so much happiness and excitement and hope that I might burst with it.
I’ve never felt like this with anyone. Ever. I can question it all I want, but being with her makes it undeniable.
She pulls away and gazes into my eyes as her thumbs trace my jaw.
“Are you sure?”
I nod. “Yes.”
She presses another soft kiss to my lips before resting her forehead on mine. “I’m going to say something, but I don’t want you to take it the wrong way. Okay?”
My lips pull into a frown. “Okay.”
“I support you, and I agree that you shouldn’t stay with Brady. I agree with everything you said. But I need to know that you’re not doing this for me.”
I jerk back so I can look at her.
“What? What do you mean?”
She hesitates, so I step backward, and her hands fall away from me.
“What do you mean, Mabel?”
“This is a huge decision, and you should be making it for yourself, and only yourself. Not for me. Not for anyone else. Only for yourself.”
I feel like I’ve been scolded, and I break our eye contact so I can process what she’s said. I know she’s right. Iknowshe is. But I expected happiness. Excitement, even. Not this insistence to remove herself from the decision. Not this attempt to remove herself fromme. It hurts a lot. Probably more than it should.
“Please don’t take this the wrong way.”
“I thought you’d be happy.”
She steps closer and takes my hands in hers. “I am. Iamso, so happy. But I also know how dangerous it can be to make life-altering decisions based off someone else. You need to do this foryou and only you. I promised that I’d always be honest with you. This is me doing that.”
I drop my forehead to her shoulder and breathe her in. Gardenia and pear with a hint of brown sugar. I inhale deeply, letting her scent calm my spinning thoughts and racing heart.
She’s right, and I am taking this too personally. She’s being smart, and I’m being emotional. If I’m going to do this, I need to be honest with myself, and with her.
“I’d be lying if I said you aren’t a big reason why I came to this realization,” I say softly. “But the decision to leave is for me. He’s chipped away at me for four years. If I stay, I know he won’t stop until there is nothing left.”
“Okay,” she whispers.
Her lips ghost over my hair as she speaks, her breath warming my scalp. Then she wraps her arms around me in a hug and moves her hand to the soft spot behind my ear, right on my pulse point.
“I’m here for you in any way you need, Roar. Anything you need. I’m here.”
“Thank you.”
I hold her tightly, feeling her heart pound against my chest and listening to her soft inhales and exhales. I’ve never felt safer than I do when I’m wrapped up in Mabel’s arms. I don’t want to let go. I don’t want to leave the comfort of her embrace.
