Page 140 of The Temptation of Truth
She doesn’t answer right away, but she gently pulls her hand out of my gasp.
“Aurora, we need to talk.”
No.I slump back in my chair as dread washes over me.
“You don’t want me.”
“It’s not that. Trust me, it’s not. But...”
She closes her eyes and drops her chin to her chest. I can feel her sorrow, and it’s making this so much harder. I almost wish she’d be a bitch about it.
“But I think we need to take a little break from one another. Slow this down a bit.”
I shake my head. “I don’t understand. Why? Why do we need to slow down? I’m getting a divorce. That isn’t a problem anymore. I’m getting a divorce, Mabel.”
“I know, and I’m so happy for you. He was an asshole who treated you like shit, and I’m glad you’re divorcing him.”
“Then what’s the problem,” I ask, my voice raising slightly. “I just blew up my whole life so we could go full speed ahead and now you want to pump the breaks? Why? What did I do wrong?”
“Aurora.”
My name floats on a pained exhale as she finally opens her eyes and looks at me again.
“I told you not to make that decision based on anyone else. You have to divorce Brady foryou, not for me.”
“It wasn’t for you! It was for me so I could be with you. I love you. I love you, Mabel. I want to be with you.”
“What if you don’t, though, Roar? What if you don’t love me? What if I’m just the first person to show you kindness in years, and you want to cling to that?”
My head jerks back like I’ve been slapped. “That’s not what this is.”
“You...”
She clamps her eyes shut, her voice quivering slightly like she’s trying not to cry.
“You deserve freedom and independence. You deserve to live your own lives and to be your own light. You need to breathe so you can bloom, and you don’t need another cage. I won’t be another cage.”
“You wouldn’t cage me. You wouldn’t.”
“Not intentionally, but my life is in LA. It’s established and structured. Are you just going to jump from Brady’s routines right into mine? Without any of your own experiences? Without anything?—”
“I don’t want my own experiences! I don’t care about any of that. I don’t care.”
“But I do, Aurora. I do. Ineedyou to have them. I need you to, because I can’t be another place holder. I can’t be anotherbody to explore until you realize that what you want isn’t actually me. I couldn’t handle it again. Not with you. Not when I...”
She runs her hands through her hair and tugs, shaking her head as tears finally break through her lashes in a steady stream. I track them with my eyes as they roll down her cheek and over her lips, catching in the seam between them before she licks them away.
This isn’t happening. This isn’t happening.
“I can’t do it,” she repeats, and this time, her voice shatters me. “My heart wouldn’t survive it. Not unless I’m certain you’re sure, and right now, I’m not.”
I feel like I’m falling. Like I’m plummeting to the ground.
She’s getting rid of me. She doesn’t want me. I told her I love her, and she is pushing me away. Everything I saw, everything I hoped for, it’s all going up in flames, and I can feel myself burning with it.
“I wouldn’t do that. I’m not Kat.”
“I know. You’reyou. You’re energy and creativity and passion and light, and I love you, but I can’t keep you.”
